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Category Archives: Baby Loss
What does a Mother Look Like
Thus far, a flower store I often use sent me a reminder about flowers. West Jet told me what my mother most wanted was a trip (I’d say she took her final and perpetual vacation in December of 2014, but … Continue reading
Posted in Baby Loss
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Need Help
When I wrote about the break in, I told all of you that I would order a replacement bracelet for Gabe. Except I can’t. the website still exists, but repeated inquiries and requests have gone unanswered. So I did a … Continue reading
Posted in Baby Loss
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Carry you With Me
I tell people that politics is a family sport. My grandfather, my mother, me. I apparently (I don’t remember this) door knocked in my first election when I was 5. I don’t remember the first one, but I remember many … Continue reading
Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel
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Grief Smells Like Tuna Fish
After Gabe died, when I came home from the hospital, I remember eating tuna fish casserole. Alone. I hate tuna fish casserole, I ate it because I could not figure out how to cook and I needed to eat. I … Continue reading
Bi-Cameral
Ten years on, it is a strange thing to celebrate your child’s birth and mourn their death. You receive texts and calls and messages from friends. You are reminded that you do not mourn alone. But you go and live … Continue reading
Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel
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Half Hanged Mary
A friend-ish frequently comments that I am driven and determined. He simply does not get it. I am neither. I live with almost no fear. It is simple and profound. The sort of thing that cuts beyond the quick and … Continue reading
Public and Private
For the most part, you build a sort of scar tissue. On Monday morning, you exhale. Mother’s day is not for me. The only thing Mother’s day does for broken children, for the bereaved mother and the barren woman is … Continue reading
Posted in Baby Loss, Grief
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Surplus to Requirements
I’ve never liked Mother’s day. Trying to please a mentally ill mother is no one’s idea of a good time. I did or didn’t become a mother, depending on how you want to define that word. My mother died. I … Continue reading
Posted in Baby Loss, Learning Life
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And So I Lied
She wasn’t prying. I’m in a medical situation, getting a drug, and she had to ask about my past medical history. Pre-eclampsia, with long-term minor kidney damage and very mild hypertension, the fact they gave me a ton of blood, … Continue reading
Posted in Baby Loss, Grief
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