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Category Archives: Baby Loss
Places You Can’t Go
It is 3 am on December 10th, and I am awake. Waking up to worry is a near constant part of the pandemic, the stress of my job, perhaps even my nature. Usually I can sleep until 4 am. I … Continue reading
Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel
8 Comments
Women Like Me
Today is Rainbow Baby Day. Now, perhaps if I had a baby that lived after Gabriel I might be more of a fan, although I don’t think so. (This is a good time for an aside. I think for some … Continue reading
Posted in Baby Loss, Life After Children
2 Comments
Not Me
I’ve been on a few dates with a guy. We’ll call him Mr. Ice Cream. (Yes, dating during a pandemic is weird.) He was at my house last night, eating dinner. In the corner of my dining room is a … Continue reading
Posted in Adult Dating, Baby Loss, Pandemic
4 Comments
It Passes
The day passed. It was harder than many: it was cold and rainy, with the sort of overnight temperatures that make planting bedding plants unwise. The garden I spread my mum’s ashes in remains closed, so I could not go … Continue reading
What does a Mother Look Like
Thus far, a flower store I often use sent me a reminder about flowers. West Jet told me what my mother most wanted was a trip (I’d say she took her final and perpetual vacation in December of 2014, but … Continue reading
Posted in Baby Loss
3 Comments
Need Help
When I wrote about the break in, I told all of you that I would order a replacement bracelet for Gabe. Except I can’t. the website still exists, but repeated inquiries and requests have gone unanswered. So I did a … Continue reading
Posted in Baby Loss
4 Comments
Carry you With Me
I tell people that politics is a family sport. My grandfather, my mother, me. I apparently (I don’t remember this) door knocked in my first election when I was 5. I don’t remember the first one, but I remember many … Continue reading
Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel
5 Comments
Grief Smells Like Tuna Fish
After Gabe died, when I came home from the hospital, I remember eating tuna fish casserole. Alone. I hate tuna fish casserole, I ate it because I could not figure out how to cook and I needed to eat. I … Continue reading
Bi-Cameral
Ten years on, it is a strange thing to celebrate your child’s birth and mourn their death. You receive texts and calls and messages from friends. You are reminded that you do not mourn alone. But you go and live … Continue reading
Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel
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