Category Archives: Baby Loss

Grief Smells Like Tuna Fish

Posted on March 25, 2018 by Mrs. Spit

After Gabe died, when I came home from the hospital, I remember eating tuna fish casserole. Alone. I hate tuna fish casserole, I ate it because I could not figure out how to cook and I needed to eat.  I … Continue reading →

Posted in Baby Loss | 1 Comment

Bi-Cameral

Posted on December 11, 2017 by Mrs. Spit

Ten years on, it is a strange thing to celebrate your child’s birth and mourn their death. You receive texts and calls and messages from friends. You are reminded that you do not mourn alone. But you go and live … Continue reading →

Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel | Leave a comment

Half Hanged Mary

Posted on May 23, 2017 by Mrs. Spit

A friend-ish frequently comments that I am driven and determined. He simply does not get it. I am neither. I live with almost no fear. It is simple and profound. The sort of thing that cuts beyond the quick and … Continue reading →

Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel | 1 Comment

Public and Private

Posted on May 15, 2017 by Mrs. Spit

For the most part, you build a sort of scar tissue. On Monday morning, you exhale. Mother’s day is not for me. The only thing Mother’s day does for broken children,  for the bereaved mother and the barren woman is … Continue reading →

Posted in Baby Loss, Grief | 4 Comments

Surplus to Requirements

Posted on May 10, 2017 by Mrs. Spit

I’ve never liked Mother’s day. Trying to please a mentally ill mother is no one’s idea of a good time. I did or didn’t become a mother, depending on how you want to define that word. My mother died. I … Continue reading →

Posted in Baby Loss, Learning Life | 5 Comments

And So I Lied

Posted on March 7, 2017 by Mrs. Spit

She wasn’t prying. I’m in a medical situation, getting a drug, and she had to ask about my past medical history. Pre-eclampsia, with long-term minor kidney damage and very mild hypertension, the fact they gave me a ton of blood, … Continue reading →

Posted in Baby Loss, Grief | 4 Comments

Letting Go

Posted on March 9, 2016 by Mrs. Spit

The City of Edmonton has approved backyard chicken coops. If you are me, this is of interest because you have this image of yourself: Wearing a long skirt (that I don’t own), a gauzy cotton blouse (that I also don’t … Continue reading →

Posted in Baby Loss, It's an Ordinary Day | 1 Comment

Options Analysis

Posted on January 19, 2016 by Mrs. Spit

Perhaps it was the whiplash. I grabbed a tea with a friend yesterday at lunch and Gabriel and his death came up. The article – the whiplash as it were – was from a study reported in a national paper. The … Continue reading →

Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel, Pre-Eclampsia | 2 Comments

Spring Thaw

Posted on October 16, 2015 by Mrs. Spit

(For context, I realize that October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month, and the day is observed on October 15. I have had very mixed feelings about the social media comments I have seen and have struggled to articulate … Continue reading →

Posted in Baby Loss, Grief | 2 Comments

Weak in the Knees

Posted on March 31, 2015 by Mrs. Spit

Get off the elevator, turn right. The door is in the corner. Turn the handle and open it. Walk into that waiting room.  Or just stand in front of the door, looking at the list of names. Trying to breath … Continue reading →

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