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Category Archives: Baby Loss
Between the Lilac and the Birch
The first spring, when my mum and I stood on my crappy back deck and looked out over a wasteland that was supposed to be my back yard . . . . There was a lilac. It was somewhere between … Continue reading
Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel
3 Comments
Places You Can’t Go
It is 3 am on December 10th, and I am awake. Waking up to worry is a near constant part of the pandemic, the stress of my job, perhaps even my nature. Usually I can sleep until 4 am. I … Continue reading
Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel
8 Comments
Women Like Me
Today is Rainbow Baby Day. Now, perhaps if I had a baby that lived after Gabriel I might be more of a fan, although I don’t think so. (This is a good time for an aside. I think for some … Continue reading
Posted in Baby Loss, Life After Children
2 Comments
Not Me
I’ve been on a few dates with a guy. We’ll call him Mr. Ice Cream. (Yes, dating during a pandemic is weird.) He was at my house last night, eating dinner. In the corner of my dining room is a … Continue reading
Posted in Adult Dating, Baby Loss, Pandemic
4 Comments
It Passes
The day passed. It was harder than many: it was cold and rainy, with the sort of overnight temperatures that make planting bedding plants unwise. The garden I spread my mum’s ashes in remains closed, so I could not go … Continue reading
What does a Mother Look Like
Thus far, a flower store I often use sent me a reminder about flowers. West Jet told me what my mother most wanted was a trip (I’d say she took her final and perpetual vacation in December of 2014, but … Continue reading
Posted in Baby Loss
3 Comments
Need Help
When I wrote about the break in, I told all of you that I would order a replacement bracelet for Gabe. Except I can’t. the website still exists, but repeated inquiries and requests have gone unanswered. So I did a … Continue reading
Posted in Baby Loss
4 Comments
Carry you With Me
I tell people that politics is a family sport. My grandfather, my mother, me. I apparently (I don’t remember this) door knocked in my first election when I was 5. I don’t remember the first one, but I remember many … Continue reading
Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel
5 Comments
Grief Smells Like Tuna Fish
After Gabe died, when I came home from the hospital, I remember eating tuna fish casserole. Alone. I hate tuna fish casserole, I ate it because I could not figure out how to cook and I needed to eat. I … Continue reading
