Category Archives: Baby Loss

Not Me

I’ve been on a few dates with a guy. We’ll call him Mr. Ice Cream. (Yes, dating during a pandemic is weird.) He was at my house last night, eating dinner. In the corner of my dining room is a … Continue reading

Posted in Adult Dating, Baby Loss, Pandemic | 2 Comments

It Passes

The day passed. It was harder than many: it was cold and rainy, with the sort of overnight temperatures that make planting bedding plants unwise. The garden I spread my mum’s ashes in remains closed, so I could not go … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss | 1 Comment

What does a Mother Look Like

Thus far, a flower store I often use sent me a reminder about flowers. West Jet told me what my mother most wanted was a trip (I’d say she took her final and perpetual vacation in December of 2014, but … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss | 3 Comments

Need Help

When I wrote about the break in, I told all of you that I would order a replacement bracelet for Gabe. Except I can’t. the website still exists, but repeated inquiries and requests have gone unanswered. So I did a … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss | 4 Comments

Carry you With Me

I tell people that politics is a family sport. My grandfather, my mother, me. I apparently (I don’t remember this) door knocked in my first election when I was 5. I don’t remember the first one, but I remember many … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel | 5 Comments

Three Reasons

There were three reasons for the second dram of scotch tonight (which might yet turn into a 3rd dram). I could tell you about the contract negotiations that have consumed most of my waking hours since Jan 7th, but frankly … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss, Flying with Warthog Air | 2 Comments

Grief Smells Like Tuna Fish

After Gabe died, when I came home from the hospital, I remember eating tuna fish casserole. Alone. I hate tuna fish casserole, I ate it because I could not figure out how to cook and I needed to eat.  I … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss | 1 Comment


Ten years on, it is a strange thing to celebrate your child’s birth and mourn their death. You receive texts and calls and messages from friends. You are reminded that you do not mourn alone. But you go and live … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel | Leave a comment

Half Hanged Mary

A friend-ish frequently comments that I am driven and determined. He simply does not get it. I am neither. I live with almost no fear. It is simple and profound. The sort of thing that cuts beyond the quick and … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel | 1 Comment

Public and Private

For the most part, you build a sort of scar tissue. On Monday morning, you exhale. Mother’s day is not for me. The only thing Mother’s day does for broken children,  for the bereaved mother and the barren woman is … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss, Grief | 4 Comments