Category Archives: Baby Loss

Bi-Cameral

Ten years on, it is a strange thing to celebrate your child’s birth and mourn their death. You receive texts and calls and messages from friends. You are reminded that you do not mourn alone. But you go and live … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel | Leave a comment

Half Hanged Mary

A friend-ish frequently comments that I am driven and determined. He simply does not get it. I am neither. I live with almost no fear. It is simple and profound. The sort of thing that cuts beyond the quick and … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel | 1 Comment

Public and Private

For the most part, you build a sort of scar tissue. On Monday morning, you exhale. Mother’s day is not for me. The only thing Mother’s day does for broken children,  for the bereaved mother and the barren woman is … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss, Grief | 4 Comments

Surplus to Requirements

I’ve never liked Mother’s day. Trying to please a mentally ill mother is no one’s idea of a good time. I did or didn’t become a mother, depending on how you want to define that word. My mother died. I … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss, Learning Life | 5 Comments

And So I Lied

She wasn’t prying. I’m in a medical situation, getting a drug, and she had to ask about my past medical history. Pre-eclampsia, with long-term minor kidney damage and very mild hypertension, the fact they gave me a ton of blood, … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss, Grief | 4 Comments

Letting Go

The City of Edmonton has approved backyard chicken coops. If you are me, this is of interest because you have this image of yourself: Wearing a long skirt (that I don’t own), a gauzy cotton blouse (that I also don’t … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss, It's an Ordinary Day | 1 Comment

Options Analysis

Perhaps it was the whiplash. I grabbed a tea with a friend yesterday at lunch and Gabriel and his death came up. The article – the whiplash as it were – was from a study reported in a national paper. The … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel, Pre-Eclampsia | 2 Comments

Spring Thaw

(For context, I realize that October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month, and the day is observed on October 15. I have had very mixed feelings about the social media comments I have seen and have struggled to articulate … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss, Grief | 2 Comments

Weak in the Knees

Get off the elevator, turn right. The door is in the corner. Turn the handle and open it. Walk into that waiting room.  Or just stand in front of the door, looking at the list of names. Trying to breath … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss | Leave a comment

Moonlight on Oceans – Redux

My life has been so much like the rocks on the beach, almost drowning as the ocean washes over me each time. It has been an exhausting struggle to put one foot in front of the other. Tonight, I stood … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss, Learning Life | Leave a comment