Category Archives: Gabriel

Bi-Cameral

Ten years on, it is a strange thing to celebrate your child’s birth and mourn their death. You receive texts and calls and messages from friends. You are reminded that you do not mourn alone. But you go and live … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel | Leave a comment

The Vortex

At some point your realize the death of your child will be ever thus – a howling vortex of pain and anguish, lasting only a few seconds. Standing on a hill at a summer folk fest, singing along with a … Continue reading

Posted in Gabriel | 4 Comments

Half Hanged Mary

A friend-ish frequently comments that I am driven and determined. He simply does not get it. I am neither. I live with almost no fear. It is simple and profound. The sort of thing that cuts beyond the quick and … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel | 1 Comment

Sunshine

You wouldn’t think they would play “You are my sunshine” at a country concert. Or that it would hit me like that. There were 3 songs that I sang him. What came into my head quite without thinking. We played … Continue reading

Posted in Gabriel | Leave a comment

Fierceness Written Within

They didn’t know where it came from – this calm fierceness. All they saw was the woman who got up, dumped out last night’s scotch, made coffee, ate her cereal out of a plastic bowl. Went back out to face another … Continue reading

Posted in Gabriel | 5 Comments

Taller than I

I took my niece to the 100th anniversary of universal suffrage at the Alberta legislature, and as I stood behind her, with my hands on her shoulders, I joked that I needed to weigh her down. By this time next … Continue reading

Posted in Gabriel, Gardening, The language of families, the nieces and nephews, Tiny Points of Light | 3 Comments

Options Analysis

Perhaps it was the whiplash. I grabbed a tea with a friend yesterday at lunch¬†and Gabriel and his death came up. The article – the whiplash as it were – was from a study reported in a national paper. The … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel, Pre-Eclampsia | 2 Comments

It’s a Sad Story

I find myself in these places and someone asks a question about him and, I, well, I sigh. I will tell you, I say. It’s a sad story. It was a long time ago and it’s ok now, but it … Continue reading

Posted in Gabriel | 12 Comments

See All Memories from August 24

This morning Facebook showed me photo’s of my old dog.¬†There was her face, with a big doggy grin. Two years ago today we were at the vet’s in that photo and she was probably getting a dose of the arthritis … Continue reading

Posted in Gabriel, irrelevant reverence | 1 Comment

Now and Then

Last night, in the bath tub, I did what I always do on the anniversary of Gabriel’s death. I looked at his photo’s and I allowed myself some time to remember and weep. The first photo of me holding him, … Continue reading

Posted in Gabriel, The language of families | 2 Comments