Category Archives: Gabriel

Between the Lilac and the Birch

The first spring, when my mum and I stood on my crappy back deck and looked out over a wasteland that was supposed to be my back yard . . . . There was a lilac. It was somewhere between … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel | 3 Comments

Places You Can’t Go

It is 3 am on December 10th, and I am awake. Waking up to worry is a near constant part of the pandemic, the stress of my job, perhaps even my nature. Usually I can sleep until 4 am. I … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel | 8 Comments


Some years this post comes easily. Some years it is written in June. Not this year. This was written last week. **** This summer as the pregnancy memories in Facebook started showing up, I turned the notifications off, one by … Continue reading

Posted in Gabriel | 4 Comments

Carry you With Me

I tell people that politics is a family sport. My grandfather, my mother, me. I apparently (I don’t remember this) door knocked in my first election when I was 5. I don’t remember the first one, but I remember many … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel | 5 Comments


Ten years on, it is a strange thing to celebrate your child’s birth and mourn their death. You receive texts and calls and messages from friends. You are reminded that you do not mourn alone. But you go and live … Continue reading

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The Vortex

At some point your realize the death of your child will be ever thus – a howling vortex of pain and anguish, lasting only a few seconds. Standing on a hill at a summer folk fest, singing along with a … Continue reading

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Half Hanged Mary

A friend-ish frequently comments that I am driven and determined. He simply does not get it. I am neither. I live with almost no fear. It is simple and profound. The sort of thing that cuts beyond the quick and … Continue reading

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You wouldn’t think they would play “You are my sunshine” at a country concert. Or that it would hit me like that. There were 3 songs that I sang him. What came into my head quite without thinking. We played … Continue reading

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Fierceness Written Within

They didn’t know where it came from – this calm fierceness. All they saw was the woman who got up, dumped out last night’s scotch, made coffee, ate her cereal out of a plastic bowl. Went back out to face another … Continue reading

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Taller than I

I took my niece to the 100th anniversary of universal suffrage at the Alberta legislature, and as I stood behind her, with my hands on her shoulders, I joked that I needed to weigh her down. By this time next … Continue reading

Posted in Gabriel, Gardening, The language of families, the nieces and nephews, Tiny Points of Light | 3 Comments