Category Archives: Gabriel

Bucket List

After I was diagnosed with MS, everyone kept asking me what was on the bucket list for me, what I needed to do sooner rather than later. . . And I had no answers. I’ve never really kept one. I … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel | 4 Comments

A Dreadful Weightlessness

It’s the sort of comment that is so carelessly thrown out and it floats in the air weightless. If it finds a weakness, it sinks in at that spot, driving where it finds deep into the ground. Most of the … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel | 12 Comments

Mother’s Day

Mostly it’s just another Sunday. Another day of finishing some work for next week, packing a suitcase, cooking dinner, cheering on a niece and cleaning out the cat litter Until that moment I stop: I pull out Gabe’s scrapbook. Flip … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel | 7 Comments

Then. Now. Always.

He asked “who that wee tiny baby was” *** In late October, I fed my boss dinner, before he caught a late night flight back to Vancouver. I was getting dinner on the table while Mr. Spit gave him the … Continue reading

Posted in Gabriel | 20 Comments

Between Dust and Water

I read a post a late last week, and the writer made a comment about how she lives between the dust of Ash Wednesday and the Waters of her baptism, and it is a constant tension in her life. The … Continue reading

Posted in Gabriel, Grief | 3 Comments

Keeping Tune

It gave me pause, that status update. There is, of course, no word to describe a parent that loses a child. Just like, in the end, there are no words to fully describe the loss of anyone you love. There … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel | 3 Comments

A Red Haired Boy and the Smithsonian

I picked up Richard Dawkins’ book The Magic of Reality at the airport on Sunday night. I’m on a self improvement kick again, and feeling guilty about my tendency to read stupid murder mysteries rather than mind improving non-fiction and … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel | 9 Comments

Still Her

I went to mass on Monday night, and the readings were tough. I will praise thee O Lord, with my whole heart. I will show forth all thy marvelous works. I will be glad and rejoice in thee I will … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel | 7 Comments

Still Standing

How quickly I learned to lie about what happened to me five years ago. Well, perhaps not lie. Mr. Spit sent me flowers yesterday, and as I walked out of the office at the end of the day, a colleague … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss, Gabriel | 8 Comments

Then

I held my son in my arms for an hour. He was mine, ours. Loved and wanted.  I can feel him in my arms. I can hear myself singing to him. He would have been 5 today. He would have … Continue reading

Posted in Gabriel | 21 Comments