Category Archives: Grief

Standing In the Way

I am thankful, on days like this, that the school across from my house is closed. I am thankful I didn’t stand on my front porch at 8:30 yesterday morning and watch the children streaming into the school. I didn’t … Continue reading

Posted in Baby Loss, Grief | 5 Comments

This is . . .

After Sandy Hook, a number of my ‘helpful’ friends posted photo’s of their 5 and 6 year olds, so that we could all understand what five and six looked like, so we could all understand exactly who died. I get … Continue reading

Posted in Grief, Interruption. | 8 Comments

Does it Hurt?

“You’ve been so brave.” He could not speak. His eyes feasted on her, and he thought that he would like to stand and look at her forever, and that would be enough. “You are nearly there,” said James. “Very close. … Continue reading

Posted in Gabriel, Grief | 17 Comments

It Gets Better

I still remember it, although it happened almost a year ago. My old boss came by my desk, and she asked me about a project I had been working on right after I came back from leave when Gabriel was … Continue reading

Posted in Gabriel, Grief | 12 Comments

Turn the Page

Christmas has been a strange proposition for me this year. I am not decorating, baking or buying a turkey. I’m packing a swimsuit and some shorts and heading off to the land of the palm trees. Christmas is almost a … Continue reading

Posted in Gabriel, Grief | 11 Comments

Snowy Grace

I woke up this morning to snow. And there’s something about snow in November that makes me blue. Amidst the swirling snow did I leave the hospital that day 2 years ago. In an almost blizzard I left the hospital, … Continue reading

Posted in Grief | 15 Comments


I sent my tailoring to Sigrun, 3 or 4 suits, a few skirts and some pants taken in, and she did a spectacular job. One of the suits was the suit I bought for Gabe’s funeral. The suit fitted me … Continue reading

Posted in Gabriel, Grief | 13 Comments

There is Only San Franciso

There is only San Francisco, because there is no Gabriel. And I don’t want to be one of those crazy dead baby mum’s. I worry I make too much out of it already, I talk about him too much as … Continue reading

Posted in Gabriel, Grief | 22 Comments

You Can Learn From Anything

I was in Michael’s, picking up a stamp for the thank-you cards I sent after Gabe’s death, and there was this magnet, and I have wished, ever since, that I bought it. You can learn from anything I reject, completely, … Continue reading

Posted in Grief | 12 Comments

Most Days

I went to go and see a doctor a few weeks after Gabriel was born. I could not sleep. I would lay myself down and stare at the ceiling, and I could not close my eyes. I was, quickly, becoming … Continue reading

Posted in Gabriel, Grief | 31 Comments