I have been watching Star Trek a lot this week. Thinking about physics and philosophy and the ways that they coincide. For all the strangeness, it makes a great deal of sense to me, Star Trek by taking us out of our normal, anticipated universe brings us to the root of problems. Without all of the givens here on earth, we are free to think about what is, what might have been, what could be, what will be and what might be. According to String Theory, things that did not happen in this world, have already happened in another. All of our choices, our contingencies, our plans, all the options came true. There are a trillion different universes, and in each of them, we live a life different from our own. We live a life that might be only slightly different, but equally, might be so different that we would not recognize ourselves and our lives.
In another world, I am a mother today.
In another world a chubby little red haired boy woke me up with the breakfast that he and his father made. I can see the tray, I can see myself in bed. In another world, he called me mummy and he wished me happy mother’s day. In another world Mr. Spit bought a card and the little red haired boy drew me a picture.
In another world, he bought me something for my garden, something he picked out, and it is ugly and I will put it by his tree. In another world my son still has a tree, but we put his placenta under it, and it is not a tree of memory. In another world we take a picture of him beside his tree each year, so that we can see how much he has grown.
In another world, my mother came for dinner tonight, and there we were, mother and nana, and he went running for the door when she arrived, and was excited and my mother pulled a toy from her voluminous purse and they read a story while I finished the veg and Mr. Spit grilled the steak.
In another world, Mr. Spit and I looked at each other, and these are the days that made up for the years the locusts ate, all of those years when we didn’t have children, didn’t know if we could, and we are so very thankful for what has been given to us.
In another world this a day of joy, a day in which my heart is full, a day in which my little boy is here and not dead. In another world I am his mother and I can kiss him good night and tell him a story and get umpteen drinks of water.
In another world, my eyes have fewer tears, there is no more death nor mourning. In another world, there is no more pain and no more sorrow and all things are made new.
In another world, I am his mother.
In another world I am a mother.
In another world, today I celebrated.