That’s Nice

Did I ever tell you the official Lucy Baker School Joke?

Well. Sit right down and let me tell you. You’ll have to imagine my really bad imitation of a southern drawl.

There were two southern ladies rocking away on the front veranda of a big old Southern House. Let’s call them Savannah and Shelby.

The Savannah looked at Shelby and said, “When I had my first baby, my husband bought me a big old diamond ring.”

Shelby said, “That’s nice.”

Savannah said “And when I had my second baby, why my husband, he bought me a whole new wardrobe!”.

And Shelby said, “That’s nice.”

Savannah carried on, “When I had my third baby, he bought me a trip around the world.”

And Shelby said, “That’s nice.”

Savannah finally looked at Shelby and said, “And what did Macon do for you?”

Shelby looked up, “He sent me to charm school”.

“Charm School! Whatever did he do a thing like that for?” Savannah asked.

Shelby smiled. “So I could learn to say ‘That’s nice’ instead of f-you!”


Lately, when I talk about getting pregnant again, people ask if I’m going to use Chlomid again. Especially if they know about the miscarriage. Why not, they ask, try to get pregnant on your own this time?

Umm, I don’t ovulate. I have, quite seriously, gone years without ovulating. My body is not good at it. It manages to get up the effort about once every three years. If you want reliability, buy a Maytag. My body, it requires assistance. It’s the Alfa Romeo of bodies. Nice to look at, but it spends a lot of time in the shop. Reliable ovulation? Try the next woman.

I’m perplexed. What on earth is wrong with Chlomid? Why is the hell of trying to get pregnant naturally better? Do babies conceived with the aid of Chlomid have Serophene stamped on their forehead? Are they somehow handicapped for the rest of their life? “I’m sorry teacher, I can’t speak a second language, my mum used Chlomid to get pregnant with me?” Do I get more points if I blindly try for three years, poking my ovaries and reading to them from Crossen’s Synopsis of Gynaecology, trying to explain what they should be doing?

I don’t have a problem with using Chlomid. Sure, I’d like to get pregnant without drugs or doctors or blood work. That would be exciting. But, umm, that’s not my life. In my life, I use drugs to get pregnant. I want a baby. I’m extraordinarily fortunate, drugs get me pregnant. Let’s do some simple math: Want to get pregnant = use Chlomid!

Would someone tell me: why the hell would I spend my life charting and praying and crossing my damn eyebrows to get pregnant “naturally”(1)? I don’t have a problem using drugs. Hell, I’m a huge proponent of better living through chemistry. Chlomid worked for me! A next pregnancy is going to be a living hell for me, what with the whole pre-e/dead baby/trash kidneys, possibly have stroke thing. Tell me again, why I need to struggle to get pregnant in the first place?

My answer to the question, “Are you going to try on your own?”

Umm, “That’s nice.”

(1)Mr. Spit would like you to know, it was, ahem, a natural conception. Yep, his part was all natural.

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18 Responses to That’s Nice

  1. Trish says:

    People are idiots.

    Just last night in the NICU, I was chatting with some parents I’m friendly with and I mentioned our fertility treatments. The mom launches into a story about some friends who tried for years and she just KNEW they JUST NEEDED TO RELAX. I actually rather rudely interupted her to say “That’s really pretty much the worst thing you can say to an infertile person.”
    I couldn’t let it go.

    I just don’t know why fertile matters do that to people. No one would tell a patient with migraines or cancer or a broken leg to “just relax.” Why can’t people believe that something as complicated as reproduction might ACTUALLY sometimes get a little screwed up?

    Argh. Argh. ARGH!

  2. Glo says:

    Well I guess if that applies DS would be a Gonal F baby who was conceived with just me and nurse Shelly in the room….DH not present…represented by his sperm in a vial.

    I am hoping for the next to maybe try things “naturally” but with a little Clomid for me. Like you ovulating is not my forte. It is not likely to work but would be a bonus if it did.

    I cringe when people think that relaxing is going to make an egg appear and by the off chance get fertilized…HA!!

    Your right. You will have enough to worry about without the stresses of charting and waiting for that elusive O.

  3. c. says:

    It really just comes from a lack of understanding. I also find that people need to put the blame for all this on something. By telling us to relax and to not preoccupy ourselves with getting pregnant and do things naturally they, for all intents and purposes, can lay they blame on us. You know, for being stresed out about it all. They just have no clue really about how difficult becoming pregnant is for some people and how difficult sustaining a pregnancy may be. Stupid people.

  4. Amy says:

    Yes, yes, to all the people out there who just DON’T GET IT, that’s nice!

    Isn’t it funny or sad, how we learned the hard way what to and what NOT to say??!!

    Good job Mr. Spit, being au natural! I like that you added that Mrs. Spit!

  5. Aunt Becky says:

    People ARE idiots who should shut their damn mouths. It always shocks me the stupid, useless crap I hear from other people.

  6. G says:

    Lol, I say “great” instead of that’s nice. Until one day, someone said, G, I HATE when you say great, I know you don’t mean that!! My reply? Great…

    Or another good southern one, Bless your heart.

    “You don’t need clom00d, just try naturally”
    “Bless your heart”

    I obviously don’t have a problem with clom00d, besides the fact that it tends to make me a raging bitch… 🙂 No one should judge unless they have walked a mile in your shoes.

  7. Candid Engineer says:

    If you want reliability, buy a Maytag.

    Oh, honey, but Maytags are not nearly as fun as you.

    Tell the f’ers to mind their own business.

  8. SAHW says:

    How silly and illogical…clearly people who have no idea what they’re talking about would question you using Clomid. If you don’t ovulate on your own, you can’t get pregnant on your own! Such a simple concept…that is unfortunately beyond so many people.

  9. alicia says:

    awesome joke!
    ppl have this weird idea about fertility drugs, as soon as they hear you are on them they jump to conclusions of scanearios like jon and kate plus 8! I am so tired of explaining that no, they had a different procedure and drug regime not just clomid! so just cause I am on a drug to acheive PG does not mean 8 kids at once! ahhh! I am glad clomid works for you, there is nothing to be ashmaed of with that, would they expect a person who once again was diagnosed with cancer, to go abotu this treatment cycle oh nautral?? no one would dream of saying that. grrrr.

  10. ~Denise~ says:

    Some people just don’t know when to shut their yaps. Who’s business is it of theirs if you use a drug to get pregnant?

    When we were trying to get pregnant again and tried for just over a year, we got the “relax” bit ourselves. Of course, that came from all the people who could get pregnant just looking at their spouse and imagining the act of procreation.

    You gotta do what you gotta do.

  11. Julia says:

    That settles it– no charm school for me. 🙂

    I wonder, often, if people who say crap like this have any idea about the mechanics of procreation at all. You know, whether they understand what ovulation, fertilization, implantation, etc. actually mean. Somehow, I doubt that.

  12. Susan says:

    I love the Maytag comment! And if we're going to compare our bodies to cars, let me just say enjoy being an Alfa Romeo. I'm a mini-van going on tractor trailer.

    I have never understood why people think it's any of their business to ask anything about conception/infertility or delivery for that matter. I always want to respond with something equally as inappropriate such as, "No, I'm not going to use Clomid. I'm going to pop green M&Ms and cross my fingers real hard."

  13. JamieD says:

    So charm school is what I need? Do they have an accelerated program?

  14. CLC says:

    I prefer to be uncharming. I like the f- you better.
    Why would anyone even care how another one conceives? It makes no sense to me.

  15. Heather says:

    Yeah, after a year of the charm school approach, I wholeheartedly prefer the F-you approach, Or avoidance. Whatever. I just love how other people play armchair physician and don’t know what the hell they’re talking about in the first place.

    I got all kinds of assvice with my last pregnancy, and I’d always smile like the cheshire cat and reply, “hmm. I’ll have to run that by my team of obstetric specialists.” Then I’d go gag myself.

  16. Reese says:

    I agree with Heather. I like the F-you approach.

    If you have to stand on your head, legs in a big V in order to get pregnant, ain’t no one’s bidness….



  17. Natalie says:

    I am very open about our IVF and I am also very educated about it and try to educate everyone else around it. But it appears that most people just DO NOT GET IT. They don’t get the simple things like, for you, no clomid means no ovulation means no pregnancy. Or for me, no IVF means immature eggs means no pregnancy. I hate the “just relax” one. Just HAAATTTEEEE it. As if it were that easy, people. If only.

    But it does fluster me that, no matter how much I explain, no one really seems to understand what a tough spot it’s in. Like when I get very upset about our situation, I get the, “But you never know.” ………. Um, were you not listening? Did you not hear my explanation of how I cannot GET pregnant on my own? So now, not only do I get the “just relax” and “keep faith” but I also get the weird looks when I’m crying because only *I* seem to realize the full extent of this.

  18. excavator says:

    lol, is that the American South, or the Canadian?

    It is a peculiar one why anyone would feel a need to ask. I had to think back, well before my second child’s conception, where we had to concede the clomid and then move beyond to injectibles. But 3 years before that use of fertility drugs was spoken of in hushed tones. Someone I knew who used it asked me to not tell; and when they later conceived “naturally” they were quick to point that out.

    That seems like an innocent time now.

    Why anyone would initiate asking you if you intend to use clomid to aid in conception? It seems to fall firmly into the category of rude questions or “none of your business.”

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