Dear Fellow Hotel Guest:

I noticed your noise and the stench of your cigarette smoke in this non-smoking hotel at about 7pm last night. Now, I realized it must have seemed like the night was young, but frankly my day was 13 hours old. I had 10 meetings yesterday, including 3 before 8 am.

So, being the reasonable person I tend to be, I called the hotel desk about the smoke and put in my ear phones to ignore the noise. That lasted until 9:30, when you decided to play Rock Band in your hotel room. I went down to the desk then.

You shut down Rock Band (Good choice!) and moved to the room on the other side of me. At 10:20 pm I realized that your living room area was behind my bed, and this was going to be a problem.

I know you must have thought I looked bitchy and harried, what with the bags down to my chin and the acne and the air of defeat, but I am a woman who has survived on a bit less than 20 hours of sleep in the last 5 days. We won’t talk about the final hour I logged into our time tracker yesteday. The number means that I am 200% allocated, and given my working hours, I can understand.

What I’m really trying to say is that behind the brittle smile, when I said “You and I need to negotiate.” I really wasn’t kidding.¬†I really, really, really wasn’t kidding. And when I told you that “my day starts at 5:15 am and if you would like, yours can too.” I wasn’t being cute or bitchy or even, I think, frankly unreasonable, I was making a point.

I gave you 30 minutes to shut it down. I told you that I needed to be in bed by 11, and I would appreciate some quiet. If I didn’t get to bed at 11, I would make sure your day started with mine.

What’s that? Oh, I’m sorry. You chose (to quote a movie) “poorly”. You didn’t like starting out your morning with AC/DC? Huh. Sorry, the paylist called wake the dead on my iPhone is short. Yeah, I was surprised by how loud the plug in interface to the clock radio let it get.

I didn’t really have to have a 20 minute shower, and I suppose I could have banged by drawers less as I was packing. You are right, I absolutely didn’t need to bang into the walls and headboard¬†quite as much and maybe I didn’t need to go into the kitchenette and bang those doors either. Definitely didn’t need to turn the TV on.

But, really, I should just point out, I told you last night I was going to be awake, and you needed to decide if you wanted to be too. Don’t mess with the 200% allocated woman. She’s short on time, patience, niceness and civility.

Now, if you will excuse me, it’s 6:30 am and I need to get ready for my first meeting.

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13 Responses to Negotiations

  1. Mr Spit says:

    Nicely done babe! I hope they appreciated the wake-up call in the spirit in which it was given.

  2. Msfitzita says:

    Sweet. Once again, you’re my hero.

  3. Carmen says:

    Well done! Just popped over here and see you’re in town. And you sound awfully busy. But if you are free, I’d be happy to take you for a drink. Just drop me an e-mail if you are, I’ll pass you my phone # and we can meet up!

  4. HereWeGoAJen says:

    I hope that made them think!

  5. Sarah says:

    You have way bigger cojones than I do! I would have suffered in (relative) silence. Good for you!

  6. Robin says:

    Nicely done, When I lived in Yellowknife I had a neighbor who dragged in the trash, for his nightly entertainment. One night his partner was extremely vocal, yelling fu-k me at the top of her lungs, this went on for about a hour at 3 AM. I finally went and pounded on his door and through the door I yelled please just fu-k her so we can all get some sleep. I was a cook so when I got up at 5 am I made sure I knocked on his door and woke him up on my way to work. I felt a deep sense of achievement Also I did mention this to staff at front desc and they got a good giggle out every time he passed by the front desk.

  7. Kristin says:

    You are truly my hero and you totally need to submit this post to Mushroom Printing.

  8. a says:

    Nice job. I am very impressed.

  9. Heather says:

    Ah, you crack me up! Only you could write that so eloquantly (I can’t even spell THAT word). I loved this post. I hope you get some sleep soon…and I hope you can win the lottery so that you don’t have to have so many meetings in your day.

  10. Kristen says:

    *standing ovation*

    Count me as yet another person who considers you to be a hero. And really–you were so reasonable! So fair! So magnanimous in your efforts to give the offender(s) a choice to respect you or to pay the consequences the next morning!

  11. Jamie says:

    This doesn’t help you much, but I bet they will think very carefully the next time they are presented with such a choice.

  12. Romy says:

    that is so perfect.

  13. debby says:

    See now, not everyone is capable of such delicate negotiating. Really, you should work in a foreign affairs office. I think you could straighten out the world in fairly short order.

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