From Here

I started this blog in March of 2008, so almost 4 years ago. Blogging became therapeutic. It helped to write and write and write about Gabriel, about trying to find my way in the world. I wrote and wrote and sorted out my feelings. I still do that.

I am prolific and verbal. I have written 1273 posts in just under 4 years, which is or more or less a post a day. Things have changed since I started in 2008. Almost none of the people that I knew when I started are still blogging. Almost all of them have children now. Almost none of my original commentors are still commenting. The world is vastly different since I started. Dare I say it, but I am vastly different as well.

On the 23rd of December I got a note from my domain provider, indicating that it was time to renew. I did so, but this has led to a great deal of thinking.

Blogging daily is a constant challenge. Each day you want to write something and the challenge becomes to write something that is at turns profound or challenging or captivating or funny.

I have learned in the last year, it isn’t always possible to do that. Sometimes I can sit down and from my fingers flows a post that is good – good enough that I read it back and think “wow, I wrote that?” Sometimes it is hard to think of what to post. It’s hard to think about what’s interesting or what I want to write about. What I wrote in those early days was captivating, perhaps in the same way that a car crash is. I was so raw, everything was so painful. Most of what I wrote was a cri du coeur. It was a hard adjustment into this new life.

My readership, my writing, my life has changed so vastly since that time. Obviously, I have moved from “mother of recently dead child” through “overworked and underpaid” to job crises to “trying to figure out how to live with no children”.

When I lost Gabriel, I could find blogs about women who had lost children. I found compatriots, there was a cadre of us – those who lost our babies at more or less the same time.

There does not seem to be any such thing, at least not really, about women who live childfree, in circumstances similar to mine. I did a dedicated search in November, I found 2 more blogs. Neither blog is particularly active.

I feel lonely, at least some of the time, here on the internet. I write at Glow monthly, and I get some great feedback, but if I am touching people, it is only one person at a time. I am thankful for the chance to provide succor for that one person – it seems a great gift.

It’s just, occasionally, like all of us, I need succor as well. I need to know in the midst of the mummy bloggers or the childfree by choice or the political bloggers or the crafty bloggers, I have a community. I am not all alone.

Perhaps what is hardest is that while I love writing, what is left for me is to blog about the random things of life. Yes, I will blog about Gabe, about life without children, but that isn’t the whole of my life. If this is true, what becomes the theme of my blog? I don’t have a handy category, like mummy blogger or knitting blogger or political blogger. There doesn’t seem to be a category called “every day life” blogger.

I thought about not blogging. I thought about stopping. I debated leaving my blog up or taking it down, trying to figure out which was best. I finally realized, I love writing. I like showing up here, sitting down and thinking “and what shall we talk about today?”

Which I guess leaves me wondering a sort of open question – what do I write about from now on? Is a blog filled with the randomness of daily life at all relevant? Even if it is relevant to no one, is is worth it to me to keep writing just because I love it?

 

 

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31 Responses to From Here

  1. Jen says:

    Keep writing please! I love you blog just the way it is!

  2. Jane says:

    I see and hear your words, they provoke, move and have often a lightness of touch and humour that shifts my thinking .
    Hope to keep reading 🙂
    Jane

  3. a says:

    From one random blogger – you don’t have to categorize yourself. (You can’t box me in! I won’t stand for it! Also, you can’t take me camping and not because of my fire issues, but that’s another story.)

    Write because you love it. Write because you have to. Write because thoughts pile up in your head and you need to put them somewhere. You’re a good writer – people will read it regardless of whether it’s “relevant.”

  4. loribeth says:

    Keep writing! ESPECIALLY because you love it!!

    You are a fabulous writer, & although I obviously find your posts about Gabriel & life without children moving, I enjoy all the other stuff too. I would very much miss you if you stopped.

    There is definitely a scarcity of relatively active childfree-not-by-choice blogs out there, but I may know of a few that you don’t. I’ve been thinking of creating a new blogroll on my blog with just those — I’ll let you know if/when I do — or maybe I’ll send you the links later. : )

  5. I know my blog has evolved greatly since I first started it – but I love that it’s still there. I loved that in November, I did try to post daily. I hate that I’ve lost the discipline of writing.

    And I will package stuff up soon. Promise. The plan is to Do This on Saturday (having done some weighing to work out the cheapest way of doing it!)

  6. sharah says:

    Have you looked at Pamela Jean’s new blog — A Fresh Start, if I’m remembering correctly. She is childfree by circumstance and wrote Silent Sorority. I’ll try to remember to email you the address when I get home tonight.

  7. Betty M says:

    I don’t comment here much (hardly at all) but I read all the posts you write. I’m one of those who actually like the evolving blog. I might have started off in the blog world in the infertility/loss sphere but I don’t define myself as that anymore and don’t expect the blogs I read to necessarily do that either. Life changes, blogs change but once you have my attention you tend to have it until you absolutely stop blogging forever and even then if two years down the line you start up again in the same place my reader will still let me know. I’d miss you if you stopped and am happy to read whatever you want to write whenever you want to write it.

  8. Reese says:

    I am at a similar crossroads. Please keep writing. I will keep reading.

  9. HereWeGoAJen says:

    I think you should be a life blogger, one that talks about whatever she wants to talk about. That’s what I consider myself, even though I mostly do talk about child stuff.

    I consider your daily life to be quite relevant to me. 🙂

  10. Brown Owl says:

    Writers write because they are driven.

    It is an insatiable desire to put thoughts to paper… fiction, non fiction, stories, random bits of prose and poetry fall from fingers without pausing at the brain. Writers do not/cannot stop because it is beyond them.

    It is not a matter of choice.

    So…. write what you will, when you will, but write in whatever media is appropriate or available at the time.
    Cheers! Happy 2012 Mrs. S.

  11. Trish says:

    I will always read.

  12. Sigrun says:

    Well, there’s Kitchen Renos and how that affects day-to-day life, and then there will be the next thing that needs reno-ing, and shoes, and in spring, gardening, and work rants (or raves) and vacations, and fitness updates, knitting updates, and pet (the animal kind)pee-ves, and …..well, I guess that’s good for a couple of months or so.

  13. Gail D says:

    I hope you keep writing just because you love it and not just for us readers. I’ve only been reading for a few months and haven’t commented before. I love your everyday life stories. I’m always amazed by people who write so well about the everyday kind of thing. Your’s is exactly the kind of blog I enjoy. I’ll try to comment more regularly so you know there is at least a reader out here, just my little contribution and thank you for the enjoyment you provide to me.

  14. Yes a blot about the randomness that is life is interesting. I love your blog. I love your wisdom and strength. I’m sorry I don’t comment as often as it’s hard to find time, but I always read.

  15. Andie says:

    I hope you will keep blogging! I don’t think you need a category – isn’t the daily/random events of life, the stuff from which life is made, character is developed, curiosity is sparked??

  16. Theresa says:

    As always, I think you are fabulous. Even the way you talk of everyday life is interesting. I am inspired and encouraged by many of your posts. I enjoy your writing no matter what…and sometimes a smile and a nod are enough.

  17. loribeth says:

    OK, I’ve added a new blogroll specifically for childless/free not by choice bloggers to my blog… check it out. More than half the list is currently not active, but I’ve included them anyway since there’s still some good reading in there. I’ve also got a childfree by choice bloglist (often relevant stuff in there for us too), & updated my list of websites & other resources. Hope that helps, & that you find a few new ones in there. Happy reading! : )

  18. Elaine says:

    Mrs. Spit, please keep writing. I love your blog just because it is so random. Theme blogs sometimes seem contrived; yours always seems focused. It’s just that the focus is your life. It is vastly different from mine, and I love the vicarious connection I feel with you.

    Why should your write? Because you can.

  19. Barmmaven says:

    You could write about crocheting toilet-roll covers and I would probably still come here every day or so to read about it, simply due to the quality of your writing.

    Keep blogging. Please.

  20. Heidi says:

    Please blog. Since the day I found you and knew that there was someone out there who felt like me, I’ve thrived by having you and your blog in my life.

    I know I haven’t been the world’s best commenter, but I will strive to do better.

    LOVE YOU!!

  21. Linds says:

    I will still read whatever you write!

  22. Dawn says:

    Please keep blogging! I read your writing with interest no matter what the subject matter.

  23. Maureen says:

    When I blog, it is always about random life. I actually made a conscious decision to be “random” not a specific theme. As the things that I want to write about are from various parts of my life, and the only way they are truly related is that I think about them and want to say something.

    Keep writing, and I’ll keep reading (and commenting if I’m being good). I enjoy reading what you say.

  24. Pamela says:

    Seems we started blogging at the same time! I , too, received a note about my blog expiration, and continue to wrestle with the right tone/topic of my writing. That said, given how hard it is to locate this unqiue community of women, I’m glad to hear you’ll keep writing! As you said: “The world is vastly different since I started. Dare I say it, but I am vastly different as well.” That sense of renewal is a message those coming behind us will appreciate hearing again and again.

  25. Keep writing Mrs Spit, you’re too good not to.

    Too much time typing on a computer at work = keyboard avoidance in my own time, which why my own blog has been totally neglected and my commenting, including on your little corner of the blogosphere, has completely disappeared. I catch up by reading your posts in a group at the weekend. I’d really miss you if you stopped.

  26. Erica says:

    I am coming late to this, but wanted to tell you how much I love your blog, your words, the way that you write about all kinds of things – work and faith and home improvement, pets and holidays and diving and fudge. I love the sense and humor and perspective you bring to big issues and small everyday matters, and I’ll happily read any post you care to, well, post.

  27. Jamie says:

    Blog because you love writing. Blog because we love reading. Also blog for the women out there who find themselves childless/free not by choice and need a guiding light.

    You make what may seem like even the most mundane days (to you!) very entertaining for me 🙂

  28. Catherine W says:

    I’ve been reading here for nearly three years now, your blog was one of the first that I followed. I can’t say it better than Erica already has, I just love your writing, I always have done. You do bring perspective, wisdom and humour to so many topics. I always leave with something more to think about, even if that be that I want some of that delicious fudge!
    I also wanted to say that you have provided succor to me, through your writing about grief and Gabriel. When I lost my daughter, I was the loneliest and saddest I have ever been in my life and I spent a lot of time wondering silently around the internet, searching. I’m still often silent here, although I can write a lengthy comment with the best of them, probably because I am keenly aware that I can provide little of help or even of interest.
    But please do keep writing if you still enjoy it, I certainly enjoy reading your words here.

  29. Barb says:

    I think your writing and thoughts are beautiful no matter what the subject. That’s why I read. I also think you often give me food for thought that expands my humanity. Thank you. 🙂

  30. geohde says:

    I rarely comment these days, I blame life in general. But I did want to observe I always read and you, my dear, should write about anything you like. You have ze knack.

    g

  31. Beth says:

    For what it’s worth, I love reading anything you write. If I remember correctly, I found your blog through a comment you made on another blog I follow that I found interesting. I popped over and I read a few of your posts and subscribed after doing so because I found your style of writing to be captivating and beautiful. I have continued to subscribe for just that reason. I love your voice.

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