I don’t know. . .

I asked the Developer what I thought was a simple question. A software module I need isn’t working. At least, I don’t think it’s working. It doesn’t seem to be working. (I don’t even know about the not working thing any more. )

I keep asking and he keeps talking to me and it starts all right. Then, suddenly, in the middle of the conversation, he’s still talking and I’m still nodding, but we are no longer talking English to each other. I swear to you, it’s like his mouth is moving and words are coming out, but I have no idea how to put them into any sort of explanation that I understand. It’s the teacher in Charlie Brown. He doesn’t even seem to use the same words each time.

I mean, based on about 15 conversations in 72 hours, I have gleaned that there are multiple environments, and they have multiple installs, and they don’t match, but the problem probably isn’t there, but maybe it is. And there is something about a table and a time out error, and they increased the time out and the error went away but the problem didn’t go away and then there was something about intrinsic something or other.  And then there was something about engineering and a patch and another patch and maybe reversing a patch.  That’s all I have gotten.

If someone asked me what the problem was, I would answer like this: “There are 3 problems. I think we need to do X, Y, and Z to fix them. It will take me about 2 weeks. I’ll let you know how it goes”.

See? 4 sentences. 30 words. Everything you need. Even in English.

When I ask him, I get an answer that sounds a lot like “because purple and alligators don’t speak left.”

And I don’t know. Can you put that into a status report, do you think?

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6 Responses to I don’t know. . .

  1. Jane in London says:

    Oh that. It could be any one of several different issues, and we’ve tried various things that have sort-of made it better, but we haven’t found the silver bullet. And it’s probably hardware anyhow, but it could be the indexing, and perhaps the table needs partitioning onto a new faster drive, and probably redesigning….

    But it worked fine on the Developer’s own machine!

  2. HereWeGoAJen says:

    I think it would make the status report more interesting. I mean, it adds alligators.

  3. Needles says:

    I think you should because someone , somewhere, who has to read these reports, really needs a laugh.

  4. a says:

    I get that way when my friend starts talking about trading corn options. Then again, I don’t actually need to know anything about corn options, so…perhaps you could just ask him to cut to the chase?

  5. Debby says:

    I just discussed this phenomenon last night. It happens when my husband starts talking about cars. He’ll go on and on and on, just chock a block full of mechanical details that he doubtless finds fascinating. Me? Not so much. But it’s actually dangerous to just stop listening, because sometimes he veers off on a new topic and that’s how backhoes are bought.

  6. Barb says:

    This made me laugh. Certain groups of professionals (including mine) aren’t known for their people or communication skills.

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