More on Me too

Today’s post was supposed to go up yesterday. I am fine. It turns out that what I thought was a flu was instead a particularly evil incarnation of Aunt Flo.

I thank you for your comments. I wrote that post from a place of profound isolation and loneliness. It hurt to be me on Wednesday. I thank you for your kindness, for hearing my words. Having said that, in writing hurt, I think I have made my colleague out to be something she isn’t.

Yes, she was complaining about being a mum, and yes, she was (likely not deliberately – she’s very kind) trying to one up me, and yes she was using motherhood to excuse herself from something. Still, it’s worth noting, I do more work than some colleagues because:

1. I am more senior than some of them, and like it or not, with the title of manager, you get more work, not less. The buck stops with you.

2. I’m ambitious. You get promoted by dedication. (Or, at least you should! Didn’t work so well for me in my last job)

3. I think children are important. And if me working in the evening means that someone gets to read their kid a story/help them with homework/be at a soccer game, then I take the work home. The wise among you will realize that I was whinging about precisely that. I’m kind and I believe in children, but I am also human. It’s hard to hear someone complain about being overworked as you are lugging home their work. On Tuesday that exact situation literally occurred. Yes, I opted to take one for the team. A more perfect woman would have done so without grumbling. I’ve never suggested I’m perfect.

4. The colleague in question is also a single mother. She is legitimately tired. She legitimately does the work of two people at home. She is actually good at her job, and she does work. She does more than her exact workload sometimes too. She’s been working for me, and the project has been stressful for her.

5. I want to live and work in an environment that supports people in their ecosystem. I want to work for a place that understands sometimes you need an hour off to take your kids to the doctor. I also want work to understand that sometimes you need an hour off to take your father to the specialist or the dog to the vet or let the plumber in. I give extra because people give extra for me. Another colleague, for example, is moving things around so I can do a presentation remotely. He did that because he knew that I really, really, really wanted to fly home last night.

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3 Responses to More on Me too

  1. a says:

    Yeah, and sometimes you want to complain and have people say “Yes! That’s so unfair!”

  2. HereWeGoAJen says:

    I’m glad you aren’t ill. 🙂

    It’s rare that people are actually cruel on purpose. I actually didn’t think much about her because I was thinking of you instead, so I didn’t really give much thought to her comment other than to think that it was rather thoughtless. And by thoughtless, I mean just that, she probably didn’t think through what she actually meant by it. But really, who doesn’t say things all the time that if someone pointed it out, they would think “well, that’s not what I meant at all.” I know I do and I actually try to think of these things as much as possible due to my internet sensitivity training.

  3. MargieK says:

    I think sometimes what sounds like one-up-man-ship is an attempt at expressing empathy. It may not come across that way (and it may not have been what was happening that day), but sometimes people just want to vent, or to feel like they’re part of a group (you vent, I vent, we all vent together).

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