In the Merde

Remember when I wrote the posts last year about the bathroom? About the plumber and about the problems?

Remember when I told you about having no hot water?

This time we have all the water you want. No, really. You just have to be prepared for it to emerge, rather like magic, (almost sort of, if magic smelled and were brown with floaty bits and in no way useful) from the drain in the basement.

I know nothing about plumbing. But, way back when, the moment Dr. Lightbody told me to go to NAIT and be a plumber, I should have seen it.

You can be as smart, as capable, as competent as you want. You can have a fancy title and drive a nice car.  But I assure you, from the depths of my wet and smelly rubber boots, you are utterly at the mercy of modern sewage. Utterly and totally and completely.

The sort of mercy that makes you send a text to Mr. California asking him to invent a crises that would require you to fly back to the project in Victoria. (He declined. He also told me to call a plumber)

The sort of mercy that finds you pouring the contents of a wet vac down your city storm sewer, praying no one you know comes by, because you don’t know how the hell you will explain this to anyone.

The sort of mercy that makes you almost wish they would arrest you, because I’m pretty sure the holding cells have a toilet and a sewer, and the two are on speaking terms.

The sort of mercy that makes you wonder if you couldn’t just lock your house and move far, far, far away and never think about this again.

I tell you, until you have been an inches deep in sewage, in your basement, you, your husband and the wet vac, telling yourself to be a grown up, you just don’t realize.

You are utterly at the mercy of some bits of pipe and a guy who is going to charge you a princely sum to make the pipes work, and I tell you, you would pay a king’s ransom to be able to flush the damn toilet.


Because without it, you are in the merde.




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4 Responses to In the Merde

  1. HereWeGoAJen says:

    Ours also had bits of broccoli floating in it. It was actually our third flood here, but the first with dirty water.

    It’s an awful situation.

    (I emptied the wet vac in the backyard, having no other option.)

  2. Kristin says:

    Man does that suck. We had to pay a plumber a LOT of money because we live in an older house and the previous residents did little to no maintenance. There was a huge clog in the pipe between the house and the sewer system. It was messy and stinky.

  3. a says:

    I used to have a ground floor condo where it was a really bad idea to flush the toilet during a heavy rainstorm. I guess that’s what really brought home that Chicago was built on a swamp. Plumbing – the bane and savior of everyone’s existence.

    Have I told your our bad plumber story? A poorly installed dishwasher (which, if we hadn’t been building a house and needed plumbers in anyway, my husband would have done correctly himself) leaked all over our hardwood kitchen floor for a few months, until we noticed that there were waves in the floor. 17,000 disagreements and missteps later, we finally got our floor repaired. Sigh.

  4. loribeth says:

    Ugh. We have had various problems with the plumbing over the years but never that particular one (thank God & knock wood). Our nephew, when he was younger, once expressed an interest in becoming a plumber. Dh & I encouraged it because (a) it would be great to have a plumber in the family we could call & (b) they make good money (having written a few cheques to plumbers in our time, we should know…) & (c) we told him they could never outsource that particular job to India or China. His father, however, reminded him that he would, quite literally, always be dealing with other people’s sh**. He’s now studying philosophy at university. ; )

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