Dear Animals

Time for another touching love letter ranting screed.

I am pleased that you are pleased I am home.

At least I assume that’s why you leaped up on us like crazy mutts bounced around our feet with an expression of glee.

I assume, furry slugs darling cats, this is why you were so happy to see me that I had to put my book down so that you could drool on me and cover me with cat fur while providing me opportunities to worship you by sneezing show your love for me.

I appreciate that you snoozed wherever you wanted while I was gone and had full run of the house missed us dearly.

We are back now. A few minor reminders:

  • I still need room for my feet on the bed. I didn’t chop them off while I was away. Batting at my feet and biting at my toes when I move them is still not on.
  • Every time I move toward your food dish, that does not mean that food is forthcoming.
  • The bathroom did not suddenly acquire a second exit while I was away. If I close the door, it’s ok, I’m still going to come out the same door.
  • Dogs, it is just possible that I could put my hand down near your heads and not be attempting to pet you. I might, for example, be putting my suitcase on the floor or trying to turn on the bathtub.
  • Cats: I will say it again. The kitchen table and counters are still off limits to you. Just like they always have been.

As always, thank you for completely ignoring my words because I have no food in my hands your prompt and courteous attention to these matters.

Warm Regards,

Your Human.

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8 Responses to Dear Animals

  1. Dana says:

    I love your letters to the animals. If I even look towards the cupboard where the canned food it kept, they go crazy. Much less going downstairs to do something other than fill up the dish. The stare-downs in the late evening are particularly endearing (as they get the food before I go to bed. Every slight movement I make must mean that I am getting their food now).

  2. HereWeGoAJen says:

    My cat while I was growing up firmly and wholeheartedly believed that if she did not put in a sincere reminding effort starting at 4:00pm, we would not remember to feed her at 5:00pm and she would clearly starve.

  3. Mr Spit says:

    Sounds about right.

  4. anonymous says:

    Pictures, please!

  5. Neeroc says:

    Very cute notes, it’s always lovely to be back to our furry friends.

  6. Certainty says:

    Let me know if it works…

  7. Natalie says:

    My cats still believe that attempting to kill me by tripping is the best way to convince me to feed them. I remind them frequently that it I am dead there will be no food.

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