Dear Cats

Dear Felines:

It is time for another touching missive ranting screed.

This will be short and furious.

I cannot emphasize this enough:

When I leave my completely homemade – from the pie crust up – lemon meringue pie (that my dinner guest has carefully requested) covered in foil on the kitchen counter:

The appropriate feline response is not, not, NOT to dislodge the foil and eat descend on the meringue like a pack of starved wild dingoes.

Doing so will necessitate me scraping off the meringue and using another half dozen egg whites to make more. Making more will cause the lemon curd to heat up, which will cause soggy pie crust.

While I realize that my culinary dilemma’s are of limited absolutely no interest to you, allow me to put this in terms you can understand: having to perform these tasks limits the amount of time for head scratches and belly rubs, and may cause your evening meal to be late.

It is not ok when you do this. It makes me mildly angry totally furious.

I would remind you – I am the person who buys your food. I feed you sometimes and if I don’t feed you, I feed the people who *do* feed you. Even if you are ambivalent could totally care less about these facts, those people have a vested interest in keeping me happy, and they could tell I was unhappy utterly beside myself.

If the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world, then the hand that holds the spoon rules the army of human servants that feed you.

Think carefully about this. I have opposable thumbs.

Once again, I remain

Your perturbed humble servant.

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One Response to Dear Cats

  1. Mr. Spit says:

    They really are little turd balls some days.

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