The Etiquette Lady

Just in case you were wondering, there is absolutely NO circumstance under which it would ever be acceptable to ask for cash in lieu of gifts at your wedding. None. Don’t even write to me asking about it.

The very height of rudeness.

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15 Responses to The Etiquette Lady

  1. Debra She Who Seeks says:

    Oh, Etiquette Lady, I see you have never lived in Winnipeg. Cash is always raised there for young people about to marry by holding a big fundraising “social” right before the wedding (essentially a big party in a rented hall). Plus it is not uncommon to receive wedding invitations with this discreet notation at the end: “Presentation Only” meaning please give money not gifts to the happy couple. I personally see nothing wrong with it and in these busy times, I’d much rather just write a cheque than have to shlep all over town to buy a frickin’ toaster.

  2. Martha says:

    I think it’s rude to ask for money, don’t like money dances or money trees. It’s a wedding, not a fundraiser!! I’m a grownup and I can make the decision to what is an appropriate gift. I do appreciate the store registry insert cards for a shower invite. What is your take on that, dear Miss Etiquette?
    Mostly, I am delighted if I get a thank you note like I did yesterday from the Lap Dance Bride from a wedding a few months ago.

  3. Banana says:

    Gotta say, asking direcly for money seems rude, but when people asked what I wanted for my wedding I did not want material gifts because at the time we did not need more stuff. We had too much “stuff.” Honestly I dislike the majority of cheesy wedding gifts. So I said, please no “stuff” and I am fine with no gifts.

  4. Bluebird says:

    Couldn’t agree with you more. No money dance, no money tree, no “cash gifts, please” – nothing. If people decide to give cash – that’s their own perogative. (I’m also not a fan of that, fwiw, but that’s just me.)

  5. AG says:

    My husband and I were both 27 when we got married. We already had all the “stuff” we needed. We didn’t register so that eliminated us getting a lot more “stuff” that we didn’t need.

    I think the Italians have mastered this area well. They give gifts at the shower and money at the wedding. Bellisimo!

  6. Heidi says:

    I totally agree with you. You should never ask for anything at all 🙂

  7. CLC says:

    Do you really know someone who did this? My mouth is hanging open.

  8. missing_one says:

    heh. A friend did this to me and you know what I did? I didn’t get them anything. I went to the wedding/reception but didn’t get a gift and didn’t give them any money. they never said anything about it.

    For my wedding, because my husband was married before and we got married in Hawaii in the private ceremony and came back and had the big reception here, people didn’t even give us shit!
    And the shit we got, well, I could have done without. But I don’t hold it against them. So there you go.

  9. loribeth says:

    (hanging head) I will admit that my wedding invitation had a little "Presentation" note in the corner, as Debra has noted above. Forgive this wayward Manitoban — it's just the way things were always done. I have since realized it is tacky & it's probably the one thing I would change about my wedding if I could.

    Dh's Italian family does not put "Presentation" on their wedding invitations — but cash (& lots of it) is considered the only acceptable gift. A toaster (even a deluxe one from Williams Sonoma) would be considered a huge faux pas.

    We didn't have a social — dh was in Toronto until just before the wedding. But I have certainly attended many in my time…!

  10. Debra She Who Seeks says:

    Loribeth, do not hang your head! You need to be a loud and proud ex-Manitoban! “Presentation” weddings are NOT tacky — they are simply the Way of Our People. We can’t expect people/outsiders from other provinces to understand.

  11. Azaera says:

    I’m a winnipegger and I hadn’t thought anything of presentation weddings.. Oh and socials are awesome fun!

  12. Tanya says:

    Agreed. Ultra tacky.

    If I ever get married I’d like to figure out a way to say make a donation to charity instead of buying me something. I’m 35 and have lived on my own for many years. I need nothing. Other people do.

  13. Jacquie says:

    LOL I guess I too can relate to the other ‘Peggers on here. It was just the “norm” when it came to weddings.

  14. loribeth says:

    LOL to all the Manitobans here.

    Debra, I had a look at your blog & the "My Winnipeg" posts made me homesick.

  15. Lily Evans says:

    I get excited when i receive wedding invitations. sometimes i also make customized wedding invitations.`,:

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