The Way Back

A thing I saw over and over while in Tofino:

That which seems long and twisty the first time you go through it will be much faster on the way back.

The first time we drove up to Radar Hill, walked to Pettinger Point, drove into Tofino from the Hotel, it seemed like it was taking forever. There was always another corner and we craned our necks trying to figure out where we were going, what was coming up.

You never quite know, until you get there.

When you re-traced your route to go back, it was like the time sailed by. You would head back and suddenly you would be where you started from, and almost no time had passed at all.

Every year, on the day after the anniversary of Gabriel’s birth, I try and think about what grief has taught me over the last year.

This year? 6 years on? It feels a bit like the universe has taught me that I am sort of on my way back.

Oh, don’t get me wrong, it still hurts. I still want my baby. I still wish he was here.

As time goes by, I miss him differently. The pain is less acute, but still there.

And sometimes, just like in Tofino, it feels a bit like I’m going through the curves again, but this time on my way back.

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One Response to The Way Back

  1. Maureen says:

    On the night of the 10th, I was walking out of violin with J. We were supposed to be getting, “little to no accumulation”, which was clearly incorrect as I had more than an inch to clear off of my car after his half hour lesson. He looks up into the swirling snow that is falling and said “Mom, it is like… when you look up it is… it is like you can almost touch somewhere else!!!” And giggled and spun himself and his violin case around. I was so happy to be with him, and sad that Gabe couldn’t be here to also look up into those magical snow filled skies on his birthday. In that dizzy feeling looking up, I could almost see Gabe looking down.

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