Reason and Boxes

The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.
– Blaise Pascal

My pregnant life is in 3 boxes – Rubbermaid totes – in my basement. And there are a lot of reasons that I don’t go into the basement – it’s dank and damp and smelly and the concrete is falling apart and one of the dogs has developed an unfortunate habit of using the basement as a rainy day bathroom, and well, really, I’ve never liked our basement. Frankly, I’ve never been a fan of basements at all.

But, as I was flipping my winter wardrobe to my summer one, there were a few maternity things in the bottom drawer. I bought them last October, in the sure and confident knowledge that if Chlomid had worked on the first round last time, there was no reason it wouldn’t work that quickly again. Right? Right.

I folded a few t-shirts, some capri’s, a dress and another pair of jeans up, and I stuffed them into the Rubbermaid tote in the basement. And I stepped back, and realized that I could get rid of these boxes. Somewhere there was a teen aged mum who needed clothes to accommodate her growing body. Someone somewhere needs these things. I have no need of them.

My head says to find the address for the school for unwed mothers, haul the boxes out to the car, and get rid of them. Not because I am shoving pain out of the house, but because there is someone, somewhere who needs what I have, and I can help them, and it is, simply, selfish to hold on to things I will not use. My head says these things, in a reasoned and calm manner.

And my heart? My heart says – not yet.

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21 Responses to Reason and Boxes

  1. caitsmom says:

    Makes perfect heart-sense. I’m so sorry. Peace.

  2. mrsfinn says:

    I admire you for being such a good person. I don’t know if I could even THINK of doing the same in your situation…

  3. G$ says:

    They are in a sealed tote – so they will be there for when you are ready, either way.

  4. Bluebird says:

    Although I think we’re at different places, I do think I understand. Our church sent out an email a few weeks ago – there is a single mother pregnant with triplets in desperate need of cribs. . . I have two cribs in my in-laws garage that aren’t being used and will likely never be used together . . .

    You know, even if we never get to use our “things” again, they’re also representative of a time in our lives – a time when we *were* pregnant, or *thought* we would be pregnant. I don’t have any use for a lot of the souvenir-type things I hang on to, but yet I do. Perhaps if I view it that way I can feel less-bad about myself 🙂

  5. loribeth says:

    It's been 11 years now, & mine are all still hanging in the spare bedroom closet. I just can't give them away. I have so very few "souvenirs" from my pregnancy. (Besides which, they are all totally out of style now anyway…!)

  6. Martha says:

    The heart has a wisdom all its’ own.

  7. Tash says:

    I know exactly what you mean. Mine are in two rubbermaids in the basement. And I’m not sure if my “not yet” voice means what it means to you, because should I ever, ever find myself in need of those types of things again, you can be damn sure I’m not wearing anything from those containers.

  8. Aunt Becky says:

    Do what Tom Petty says and listen to your heart, Mrs. S.

    Love to you.

  9. Kami says:

    It makes perfect sense to me too.

  10. Lisa DG says:

    I have taken to wearing my maternity clothes. It gives me a feeling of comfort, even if they are a bit oversized.

    I admire your generosity to help others and I also feel your heart and the reason you hold on for a bit more time…

  11. Trish says:

    There will still be women in need when you’re ready. Go at your own speed, my love.

  12. meinsideout says:

    ((HUGS))

  13. Ya Chun says:

    not yet.

  14. Geohde says:

    Mrs. Spit, I admire your ability to think of others, although I do hope that you yourself get to use them one day,

    g

  15. B says:

    Not yet.

  16. Donna says:

    Everyone knows the right time.

    For me – if was a huge relief to be rid of them. Even though they were in the attic where I didn’t see them often just knowing they were there weighed on me. They were a huge reminder that I wasn’t pregnant again. That my magical plan to make everything better hadn’t worked. And I didn’t think I would be able to wear those clothes for a different pregnancy anyway. They were Ellie’s maternity clothes. So A few months ago I just hauled them all down and took them away. I kept one outfit. The one that I wore to the Dr. the day we were admitted to the hospital. And now I hope that Ellie is watching and protecting the new baby inside whoever is wearing those maternity clothes.

  17. JamieD says:

    I understand both your heart and your mind.

    Thinking of you and holding you in my heart.

  18. CLC says:

    I understand. I don’t think I would give them away just yet myself.

  19. Natalie says:

    It’s one of those strange things…. that if everything had worked out I would give those things away without much of an issue. But because it didn’t, I can’t let any of them go.

  20. jess says:

    Take your time. God knows your heart’s timing and He’ll have someone in need ready when you are.

  21. Dalene says:

    No reason to rush on a decision like that. Hugs to you, Mrs. Spit.

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