I had a bit of an epiphany last Friday.
Here’s a bit of a spoiler for you – you already know what I’m going to say. I’m choosing to embrace that I showed up for the party at all, rather dwelling on the fact I showed up late.
I may have lost my mojo with the start of the MS.
I may have gotten thrown off kilter. I may be off balance and more than that, I may be off my game.
You may have noticed. Like I said, spoilers.
Here was the epiphany. It’s less complicated than you may expect.
I am – under normal conditions – a capable, competent and confident woman. Most of the people I work with – almost 100% of them – don’t know about the MS.
My whole world changed and some big chunks fell apart and most of the world has no idea. Of the people who do know, I don’t think they quite know what to do with this confused and scared and needy me.
This is the problem of the capable and confident person. We need help and we can’t figure out how we ask for help, never mind how we might go about articulating what it is we need.
So, I am off my game and most people don’t realize that I am more vulnerable and a bit broken.
I am trying to get it back. It’s slow. It’s painful. But I’m trying.