I had a bit of an epiphany last Friday.

Here’s a bit of a spoiler for you – you already know what I’m going to say. I’m choosing to embrace that I showed up for the party at all, rather dwelling on the fact I showed up late.

I may have lost my mojo with the start of the MS.

I may have gotten thrown off kilter. I may be off balance and more than that, I may be off my game.

You may have noticed. Like I said, spoilers.

Here was the epiphany. It’s less complicated than you may expect.

I am – under normal conditions – a capable, competent and confident woman. Most of the people I work with – almost 100% of them – don’t know about the MS.

My whole world changed and some big chunks fell apart and most of the world has no idea. Of the people who do know,  I don’t think they quite know what to do with this confused and scared and needy me.

This is the problem of the capable and confident person. We need help and we can’t figure out how we ask for help, never mind how we might go about articulating what it is we need.

So, I am off my game and most people don’t realize that I am more vulnerable and a bit broken.

I am trying to get it back. It’s slow. It’s painful. But I’m trying.

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4 Responses to MoJo

  1. Dipitie says:

    I was watching some online sessions on health, and one of the topics they covered was stress. They talked about how the people who were the most resilient were also the most affected by stress, that these people strong as they might be, need to step back and take care of themselves. I’m glad you are paying attention to your feelings and taking care of yourself the best you can. (((HUGS)))

  2. Mali says:

    Asking for help is the hardest thing!

    I think you’re doing great. That’s not to diminish the magnitude of what you’re going through – I am in fact watching with awe and admiration. But do allow yourself to feel confused and scared and needy. It’s normal and it’s necessary. You don’t have to be the strong confident one all the time.

  3. debby says:

    I have a great confidence that your mojo is only temporarily missing. Care to make a friendly wager?

  4. Barb says:

    I am sorry to say I didn’t know about the MS either until now as I had stopped reading blogs for a while when working 2 jobs. So hugs and love to you, and I too think your mojo is still there.

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