I woke up happy and settled yesterday morning.
I don’t know how to explain it. I started my morning talking to the handsome Australian and maybe it’s because he was telling me about the antics of his students and I nearly killed myself laughing. Maybe it’s because he made me cook myself an egg*, maybe it’s because the project is almost over, maybe it’s because I have a bit more direction about life after everyone has resigned, maybe it’s because I had lunch with Kuri.
Maybe I just served enough time in the purgatory I have been in since the MS diagnosis.
I had a good day on Wednesday. I laughed, I had a nice lunch, I argued a bit of politics, I ate meals, I took the dog for a walk, I saw new baby pictures, I was loved by people. I let myself be loved. I haven’t done much of that lately.
Yesterday it felt like I was back to myself.
I am a fairly optimistic person. I cultivate the habit of looking on the bright side of things. I believe at the core of my being – your attitude is often the only thing you can change in a situation and you might as well change that. It isn’t that I’m a happy person and it isn’t that I haven’t had my fair share of hard stuff. I can change how I respond when I can’t change anything else. It has frustrated and bothered and hurt me that I just couldn’t figure out how to do that. I still don’t know why I couldn’t.
This morning I woke up to an email from the PM for the project that will not die. And for about 3 second I almost plunged back into being angry and frustrated. This project has been an everliving nightmare. I swear, I will kill it and bury it myself.
And then . . .
I just sort of detached. I sent a note back that more or less said “that sounds like a problem for a project manager to manage. Here are the deadlines you gave me, and here’s the possible effect on them. Best of luck with that.”
And with that, I went out into the rest of my day with a smile on my face.
*he says it’s the egg. And drinking water. He has a lot of faith in the power of hydration and breakfast. He might not be wrong.