Can Come to any Good

7 years ago today I went into the hospital for what might have been called a routine test based on a minor concern.

My blood pressure was a bit high.

If I remember anything, when I think back, I remember being worried, but convinced that this was merely a bump in the road. Things would be fine, I thought. We would laugh about this. I asked for one of the fetal monitoring strips to put in the bun’s baby book.

I really did think it would be all right.

I didn’t think he would die. I didn’t have any idea that I might die.

People tell me now, in the middle of difficult situations, that things will work out, that things will be ok. Mostly I just want to smack them. What arrogance, what presumption. Things will be all right because you wish them to be?

The situation will – one way or another – end. Nothing carries on forever. But to say that it will be ok?

7 years later, as I remember, as I think back, I know this to be true: never again will I automatically assume that things will be fine, simply because someone tells me they will be. Never again will I tell someone that things will be fine, that things will work out as they should. Never again will I hold platitudes in the face of uncertainty.

Things will end. All things. Sometimes they will end well and safely and I will never take that for granted. Sometimes they will end badly. And I will keep living.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
WH Auden, Funeral Blues

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4 Responses to Can Come to any Good

  1. JM says:

    I am so sorry things turned out for the worst this day. Thinking of you today. HUGGS

  2. a says:

    I always thought the “I hope” in front of “Everything will be OK” was understood, but maybe not…

    Thinking of you and Mr. Spit and your son

  3. loribeth says:

    I thought things would turn out OK for me too. I was wrong. But I’m still here too. (((hugs)))

  4. Barb says:

    I agree. That realization was so Earth shattering for me that it sent me to therapy. Sending love.

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