Tell me, Oh Wise Internets

I have been asked to first videotape and then when I said no to that, to post pictures of my mother’s funeral, for those who can’t make it.

This seems to me, to be a sort of public indecency.

What do you think?

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10 Responses to Tell me, Oh Wise Internets

  1. Dawn from the frozen North says:

    Hello Mrs Spit,
    We just had a funeral for Mr Frozen North’s father yesterday. We were also asked if we wanted to videotape the ceremony, or to stream the service. We said no. The family is supported by those who are present and the well wishes of those who couldn’t attend. The funeral is in the moment. We didn’t need someone afterwards reviewing the event like a Hollywood movie and criticizing the grandchildren’s behaviour, the choice of flowers or the sermon. If you couldn’t attend, just know that it was a beautiful ceremony and many friends a family were present to support those left behind.

  2. sharah says:

    I recorded an mp4 of husband’s grandmother’s eulogy for his cousin who was very pregnant and not allowed to fly in. But no pictures and no video. Not sure if this applies to you, but some people also have very strong superstitions about photography at funerals. The old idea that the soul could get stuck in a mirror or a lens.

    Besides the eulogy, what part of funeral would they even want to see? It’s not a performance.

  3. Aunt Deb says:

    I know people do this, but it just strikes me as morbid and kind of creepy.

  4. Brown Owl says:

    some funeral homes provide a video link for those who cannot attend. I do not think it is weird, but maybe someone would do that for you? Our church videos the services for shut-ins, so maybe St. Augustine’s would have something similiar?

  5. GeekChic says:

    I’ve seen videos and / or pictures done a number of times and did not find it creepy or morbid. I also appreciated being able to watch the service of a friend that died a few years ago when I could not travel due to my various illnesses (the words of his family and friends, along with the eulogy, were the meaningful parts for me).

    That said, I’m aware of the variety cultural beliefs around pictures or videos of people or of the dead so I would never expect it of anyone.

    Maybe my lack of discomfort around cameras or videos at funerals comes from being a veteran. All of my military friends who died in service had press of some sort at the funeral as well as coverage of a variety of events related to their death (repatriation ceremony, etc.).

    Regardless of what I think, if the idea makes you uncomfortable, I don’t think you should do it. You’ve had a lifetime’s worth of discomfort already.

    Oh, and my condolences on the loss of your mother. Both now and in all the days, weeks, months and years prior when she showed that she was not the mother you deserved.

  6. a says:

    Not my kind of thing, but I understand that some people think differently. In other words, it’s completely up to you.

  7. loribeth says:

    I don’t think it’s particularly “creepy” (there would certainly be people who would think the photos of my stillborn daughter are “creepy”) or even that unusual these days, but if it makes you uncomfortable, then I don’t think you need to feel obligated to do it.

    What do you think your mother would have wanted?

  8. Alexicographer says:

    Hunh. My feeling is that funerals and memorial services are for the living, and that close family (here: you) should get to decide. I guess in a setting where close family disagreed, that might be a problem!

    I don’t know that this is relevant, but I can tell you that the Quaker Meeting in the care of which I was married did not allow wedding ceremonies to be recorded in any way (nor did we want to). I guess that would be hard to enforce, at least systematically, these days, and moreover, Quakers being very, uh, decentralized, it is entirely possible that not every Meeting has reached/maintained consensus on this approach. But perhaps because of that background/upbringing, I tend not to believe in recording ceremonies generally (I have not known the issue to come up for Memorial Services, but would guess the basic approach is the same).

    I hope you can move ahead with a decision you feel comfortable with, whatever that may be.

  9. Sheryl says:

    Personally I don’t think cameras belong at funerals.

    A FB friend posted pictures of her deceased mother on FB….I found that to be disturbing.

  10. Brown Owl says:

    other thought for you, maybe just send them a copy of the eulogy and the obituary notice with the photo of your mom and you sitting on the bench?

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