Look, a Mail Box is a Very Demanding Thing

You go to your hardware store, and you pick one. You find something that half-way matches your house and then you carry on. Screw the thing up, and get your mail out of it.

To refresh you, this is what our present mail box looks like.

Which Simply Will Not Do.


A wooden one that we could stain the same colour as the deck and the railing (Gettysburg Blue from Behr).Which would be ok, but I’m not convinced that we wouldn’t have the same problem, because it would blend in to the house, and we would still get our mail in a wide variety of places, because no one can find the mail box. Not a charming or delightful, or even pleasing mail box. Sufficient, I suppose.

Mr. Spit, being fiscally prudent, looks at the metal ones. Which are adequate. I mean: they do the job. You put mail in them, they have those curved thingies to put the paper in. (Which is totally retarded, as we don’t get the paper, and when we did, they kid just threw it on the deck) Any way, they would work, I guess, if they had to. But I’m telling you, very pedestrian. Ho Hum. Positively ubiquitous. A metal mail box says something about you. That your last name is Smith, you dress in beige and you drive a brown car, which you bought used, because it was reliable, and cheap and easy to keep clean. Also last night, you had boiled potatoes for dinner, and have never bought an avocado in your life.

Such a mail box is Clearly Not Suitable for Chez Spit, so I keep looking. (Mr. Spit, dear man, keeps talking about the metal boxes, mostly repeating $18 dollars in an increasingly excited voice).

That’s it. Black, top loading with a splendid brass maple leaf on it, says mail in a charming script. It’s not adequate, banal, or ubiquitous. No, not at all, this mail box, it is a symphony, it is a large canvas, an opus work. This mail box is enthralling and bewitching, and possibly it would be using too many adjectives (but hey, they’re cheap): this mail box is delectable and irresistible, electrifying and seductive. This is a mail box I tell you, all others are aluminum wanna-be’s. All others are merely things that hold your mail. This mail box has possibility.

What do you suppose a lovely black mail box, looking like wrought iron, not forgetting the brass maple leaf, and the words “mail” in lovely, soft, inviting font, would cost a home owner?

Did you guess $187 dollars?

Yeah. Me neither.

But I like it. Mr. Spit did too, until he saw the price. Which doesn’t mean much, as I have been pointing out all day; because he does like it, he just doesn’t like the price, and if you amortize the cost of the mailbox over the life of the house, well that’s actually less than $2 per year, which is a pittance, peanuts, I tell you. Besides, everybody knows that it’s those little finishing touches that really make or break a first impression. Curb appeal makes such a big difference, and I know we aren’t planning on selling this house, you know, ever; but it still matters, and we want the neighbours to like us and think well of us, and we have new sidewalks, and new street lights, and new curbs, and a whole new paved street, and the city is shelling out 20 million on the revitalization, and the very least we can do is shell out a mere $187 on a mail box that fits into the neighbourhood. It’s our duty. It’s practically patriotic.

(at which point the Lancaster Bomber flew overhead, and I think maybe Mr. Spit was thinking that Churchill was, by far, the better orator)

Anyway, back to the mail box. So, we are still arguing discussing about what we are going to do, and in the mean time the current one will stay where it is.

But, oh wise internets, you think I’m right, don’t you? The choice of mail box is a very demanding one, and you just can’t cheap out on these sorts of things. After all, the neighbourhood is depending on us!

Oh, and while we were feuding calmly debating the merits of the best mail box in the store, we got some more stuff done.

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20 Responses to Look, a Mail Box is a Very Demanding Thing

  1. Mr. Spit says:

    Wow. Do those stairs ever look TERRIBLE!!!

    Good thing we're destroying them tomorrow. Bring on Mrs. Spit and the sledgehammer!!!

    Gotta say, that's some nice deck plank work, Mrs. Spit.

    And the mailbox? Yeah… if you give up buying new wool for six months… we'll think about it.

  2. Tanya says:

    Definately the black mailbox, it sounds lovely and it would definately stand out against your house.

  3. Seraphim says:

    who says a girl can't have wool and a cool mailbox? Certainly not me! xxx

  4. Jacinta says:

    Wouldn't a metal mailbox freeze shut in the winter? Does $187 include a warmer for your mail?

  5. Kristin (kekis) says:

    Ours was a tragic yellowy, brass color until I got hold of it. It's amazing what a can of black spray paint can do. Lots less than $187! 🙂

  6. Inna says:

    I was going to suggest Kristin said. Why not buy a nice wooden one and paint it exactly as you want it. With the maple leaf and everything.

  7. Heidi says:

    Gasp!! Asking her to give up wool for six months!!

    Mr. Spit, just be thankful that Mrs. Spit hasn't asked you to purchase this mailbox:
    Like I have asked my other half too!!


  8. Sigrun says:

    I was going to suggest refurbishing the old one, but someone else thought of dressing up the wooden one. but I love the amortizing argument–but never,never, never !!! the wool! Another thought: did you check out the Habitat for Humanity store? It's on the Yellowhead and 82 Street, the NW corner. I've heard they have a lot of wonderful re-usable stuff.

  9. Naomi says:

    Why the heck are mailboxes so freakin expensive!? After the new siding, I won't put up my old metal mailbox (the same one you have!) so it's sitting on my stoop. The mailmen won't leave your mail if you have no mailbox. And I haven't bought a new one b/c the prices disgust me. I don't believe a mailbox should cost more than $25 tops! I found a lot of stuff on craigslist and ebay…but never followed through. I'll probably just build one since I have so much spare time on my hands…

  10. areyoukiddingme says:

    Our subdivision has mandated a specific mailbox style (they're on the curb instead of the house). It's pretty enough, I suppose, but not exactly practical. Ours has been knocked down 3 times (once by a random garage sale shopper, once by my SIL, and once by the village snow plow). It costs $200 – $300, which I think is excessive. So, I would suggest before you buy the $187 mailbox, see if any parts of it are brittle and likely to break off.

  11. Jen says:

    We have a required mailbox, so yes, I think you should get the good one, in honor of me, since I have no choice.

  12. Donna says:

    The new front porch is looking great! I think it deserves a beautiful new mailbox with a maple leaf…

  13. Maureen says:

    Have you checked Craigslist or eBay or overstock dot com? I get lots of stuff for our house from places like that. I google everything.

  14. Martha says:

    A beautiful mailbox improves curb appeal and keeps Mrs.Spit happy, nuff said.

  15. Melissia says:

    I am all for getting the exact mailbox you want but for getting it online where I am sure you can buy it for much cheaper. Many online stores will have it by brand name or even by model number or you may even be able to find it on ebay that way. I often will find something in a local store and will then search for it online. I love to support my local shops and will pay a small premium if it is owned by a local business person, but if the store is a chain then no, will just get it online if I can get a better deal.

  16. Ya Chun says:

    have you looked on the internet, or a gardening supply catalog? maybe somewhere in the middle….

  17. Two Hands says:

    Mrs. Spit deserves a new mailbox with a maple leaf on it.
    End of discussion.
    Although it made me laugh when Mr. Spit suggested giving up wool-buying…As if!

  18. Kuri says:

    Call me Ms. Smith then.

  19. Natalie says:

    OMG I almost fell off my chair at you suggesting amortizing the mailbox. Too damn funny.

  20. loribeth says:

    I believe you. My sister in Winnipeg wanted a mailbox that sounds very similar, pricewise, anyway. She knew that nobody would cough up that kind of money for a Christmas present for her (for a mailbox!!) so she was soliciting donations. Hmmm, I never did hear whether she got it.

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