6.7%

Firstly – I know I have not posted every day in a long time, and I thank you for bearing with me. Graduate school turns out to be intense. I appreciate having a ready made space to unpack my thoughts and feelings and knowing that some of you are still listening and sending good wishes.

It turns out that roughly 7% of the world’s population has a graduate level education.

I’ll start there (and I’m going to end there too, if you were curious), because I am griping and groaning about some of my classmates and the sounds of the peacocks and how small and cheerless my dorm room is.

In reality, and this matters, I am singularly fortunate. I have a company willing to help with tuition, savings (my retirement savings, but savings all the same), family and friends willing and able to let me put my life on hold while I do this thing.

The staff say the program is brutal – they call it boot camp. I’ll not lie, it’s tough. There is a lot work coming at me. An enormous amount to read, synthesize, analyze and formulate responses to.┬áThat’s my entire academic career and a chunk of my professional career. It’s volume, but it’s not difficult. It’s just a lot of work. Put your back into it, grind it out. I’m no stranger to the 70 hour week.

And I’m griping because I don’t think my classmates like me and I can’t figure out how to make connections to them, and as much as I want to be the person who says that making connections doesn’t always matter, I think it does.

Day 2. I still feel small and alone.

I’m trying to focus on my great good fortune tomorrow. The little things that I like. The discipline of a million tiny points of light.

Here’s to Day 3.

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4 Responses to 6.7%

  1. Jane says:

    Having spent an awfully long time with the gents of the rugby team of one of the top 10 Business Schools, the answer I can give to the conundrum of making connections is this:

    Clubs.

    The most solid connections they made (I was staff, not student – but I still have similar connections), they made in the rugby club. I also joined the softball club – because the rugby club was running that. I used to be a reasonably handy catcher.

    (also, the guy in the suit and tie will be in a tshirt and flip-flops eventually. Unless he’s supremely weird).

    It’s another marathon….

  2. a says:

    Day 3 is too soon to tell whether people like you. Be yourself, because being someone else is not productive. And whether you make friends or acquaintances or even enemies…you will have the shared experience together. That is already a connection. (Spoken as someone who now has a lot more interaction with my high school classmates 30 years later than I did when I was in high school – we have the shared experience, if not memories of time together.)

  3. blondeoverblue says:

    I agree with a. It’s too soon to know if they like you. Chances are at least half of them are feeling the same way you are. And the guy in the suit…well, it sounds like he NEEDS someone to take him down a peg or two. Please, do this on behalf of women who can’t be there with you in body but are in spirit. (Sorry, my own issue might just have gotten riled up there…but what woman hasn’t at some point felt that white male privilege at some point and gotten aggravated a little?) I’ve risen to the level of Director (with merely a Bachelor’s degree and a lot of life experience at a tiny start up) and I was the only girl on an all male sports team so I applaud you. I send lots of love and support to you. I also think you will rock this, just be yourself. I bet there’s at least one other person who will find you to be just what they’re looking for- I know I read your posts and think how much I’d love to know you in real life. And, like a I have more connections with my high school classmates 25 years later than I did when I went there- I knew everyone but didn’t have close friends. Go figure.

  4. Scientistmother says:

    Day 3 is too soon to worry. Everyone is worrying about making connections. You will find your kindred spirits but I suspect some of them are feeling the same as you. They are also feeling like they don’t belong. But you do! As did I.

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