Learning and Confirmation

There is this terrible moment  . . . in hallways, in the cafeteria, where someone comes up to me and asks me how I’m managing. They say it with a sort of wild-eyed look.

And I sort of mumble something.

Grad school boot camp is like every other software implementation, down to the crunch, it’s falling apart, we don’t have enough time and we need to deliver, project.

Knuckle down. Do only this. Let everything else fall away. Sleep enough. Be organized. Make your bed because a bit of routine helps. Play to your strengths. Drink water. It is no surprise that the day I described yesterday sounds regimented. No surprise that I returned to routine, that I started writing here so that I could process my feelings. This time it’s called grad school, but this project has had so many names. That makes it not hard. There’s volume of work, it requires a fair degree of organization and the ability to plan, but I have not had a single moment where any of this has felt out of my grasp. (the writing thing is probably my biggest stretch.)

They said I would get better at time management and at ambiguity – not knowing the right answer or what would happen next. I’m actually pretty good at time management. Working a bit more on focus and not getting distracted, but time management is ok for me. Improvement is apt to be marginal.

Ambiguity is an interesting one.

I’ll comment about that by commenting about something else. The blessing of someone you have known forever is that they know all the old stories. The challenge is when those old stories hold you in place. I think we do this to ourselves too.

I would tell you that I’m not good at ambiguity, that I am always the woman with a plan. I’ve also realized this – I arrived at school, looked around and realized that this was clearly a well constructed program and they knew they were going along for the ride. They aren’t always able to tell us where we are going, but I have no doubt we are going somewhere.

They can have the plan. I don’t need to know. I need to know what time class starts today.

I live in the consulting world. My answer to everything is . . . it depends and and here’s why.

I have a whole post on feelings and a whole post on MS, but I thought I would start here – I think I’m pretty good at ambiguity and time management. Which may well be why I’m waffling when others ask me how I’m doing.

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