At 2 pm, in a Starbucks

I asked if he wanted to get divorced. He said that he had started filling out the paperwork and ordered our marriage certificate.

That’s that, then.

In the last 6 weeks I have had two different complete strangers ask if “I didn’t think that people could work out marriage difficulties if they just tried hard enough?”

I think so many things:

I think that people should keep their opinions to themselves.

I think that lots of marriage problems could be sorted if both people tried.

I think that when I stood in front of God, my family and my friends and I promised “til death do us part”, I meant it. I knew what I was promising, I knew it would be hard; it was a promise and I meant to keep it.

I had tried. At year 10, when I very nearly left him, and decided to try and fall in love again and did. It was hard work. I did it in 2014, when my marriage wasn’t working again. And on a day in December of 2016, I thought about trying. For the fourth time.

Here’s the honest to god truth – I was tired of trying. I could have. I just didn’t want to.

In doing so, I broke my word. I broke it knowingly. It was the right thing to do, but still wrong to break my word. Perhaps the worst is that I don’t regret it. I’d do it again.

And I’ve sat with that since 2pm last Sunday.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to At 2 pm, in a Starbucks

  1. a says:

    For some reason, I thought you had already started the process. Sending you strength to get it all worked out, fairly and without drama.

    It seems like marriage should sometimes be effortless. If it’s always work, then it’s probably not right, and you should move on before your burn out completely. And what is “trying hard enough” anyway?

    My MIL was horrified recently to tell us that my husband’s second cousin was getting a divorce because her husband told her that he was gay. We were all “Better to figure it out when they’re both still young, so they can move on and be happy.” She (MIL) was upset that he hadn’t figured it out before they got married and had two kids. I don’t really think, in that kind of situation, there’s a way to try hard enough to fix things. You can’t go back in time and you can’t change such a major part of your personality. Obviously, it can be subverted for a time, but not forever. And I assume that people have tried to fix things before they decide on divorce – no one WANTS to do that. Too much hassle.

  2. a says:

    *you burn out completely. Not your. 🙁

  3. loribeth says:

    It’s hard to keep trying when you’re not making progress. I think you gave it a good shot. Don’t beat yourself up too much. Sending (((hugs))).

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *