It isn’t ok. It will never be ok.
And somehow, it will have to be ok.
I’m making my way through the idea that some people find their person quickly. For some, it takes longer. And some of us? We don’t have a person. We have pets and books and volunteer things.
Rather like abusive parents, a dead child, recurrent miscarriages, and a chronic disease, I could spend the rest of my life focusing on how not ok it is.
That would be fair.
I didn’t ask for parents who hated me. I didn’t do anything to cause my son to die. I did everything I could do to stay pregnant. MS was dumb luck.
I could hold up all the good and kind and nice things I do. I could try and point out the good in me outweighs the bad. I could make some sort of karmic balancing equation.
Which takes me back to life not being fair. And that’s not ok. But somehow, it will have to be.
I’m trying to live small.
Hope for less.
Expect as little as possible and be pleasantly surprised if more happens to come my way.
I’m trying to live in the here and now.
I’m trying not to be cynical and bitter.
Life isn’t fair, but I can be kind.