Do you Paint your Nails While you Cut your Loss?

When I got ghosted and then dumped, the dumping came with a “let’s have coffee and talk” sort of thing. I don’t remember exactly what the offer was. I sensibly, to prevent rumination, deleted the text. I said that I needed a couple of weeks to get my feet back under me and I would be in touch. He said he understood.

A couple is two (Don’t I know this), and that two weeks ended yesterday. It turns out, as the last two weeks have passed, that I really don’t have much *useful* to say to J. Please don’t misunderstand, I have *plenty* to say, it’s just not . . . . useful.

What I have left to say is the sort of thing that would be unkind and likely does not need to be true.

I thought about just never responding, but that’s unkind. That’s a form of ghosting too. The text is written. It’s polite, kind and ironclad.

I just don’t want to send it.

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2 Responses to Do you Paint your Nails While you Cut your Loss?

  1. a says:

    Rewrite it so it’s blunt and clear and ironclad. Polite and kind were rendered unnecessary when he ghosted. Seriously, something on the order of “Your actions were hurtful, you’re not getting absolution from me, and I don’t see any need for further contact” would be my most polite response…after 2 weeks.

    I admire your willingness to continue to engage. I have learned that that kind of magnanimity is also not useful.

  2. Debby says:

    I guess that I do not see the need for further contact. Keeping the lines open would mean that there was something salvageable from this. I am not sure what it could be. Certainly not a friendship, since he’s proven to be unworthy of that. Friends don’t leave friends hanging out to dry. I don’t think that I’d respond. Gather up whatever there is to be learned from this and move on.

    These things are so very hard, and I wish that we could all gather you up and take you out for coffee and conversation.

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