Sit and be Human

“How far along were you dear? Are you sure? This has happened before? Was the pregnancy confirmed? What’s the longest you’ve carried?”

I had to go to the hospital on Friday, when suddenly I started bleeding a whole bunch more. I stood in a crowded waiting room, explaining my sorry and pathetic obstetrical history. It’s not that I’m bleeding, it’s that there’s so much, and I don’t even know if you need to see me, but I know I’m in pain and I’m frightened and I’m all alone because there was no one to go with me, and I just want to sit in the corner and cry. I don’t want to be brave and grown up.

And I looked up at the last question and sighed. 26 weeks, I developed pre-eclampsia. He died shortly after he was born.

And there was this look in her eyes. This horrible, awful look. You can differentiate pity.

There is pity that lets you stay with a person. When you accept and understand that you don’t know what its like to be someone, but you can imagine they might need compassion and mercy. You can sit a while with them. Abide. You don’t poke and prod, question, you do what needs to be done, and you let the other person be human.

And then there’s the other kind. I get a lot of the other kind. I get a lot of “I can’t imagine” and “I couldn’t cope” and they run away. Without ever moving their body, I can feel their mind withdraw. I can feel them flee.

The first kind of pity is what makes us so wonderfully human. It builds bridges, it is mercy and compassion. It is the bedrock of humanity. It is goodness and care and solace. It builds up, allows us to connect, expand, absorb. We become better, larger, more generous. Jesus tells me that the Kingdom of God is something like this.

The second kind makes me want to cringe. Standing at this horrible counter, with everyone around me, losing another baby, and I’m trying to explain. I don’t want to be called dear, I don’t want to be told to keep my chin up, and I don’t want to answer questions about what is or is not being done for me. I just want to know. This blood and this pain, can you do anything for it? Is it ok? Is there a problem? Do I need tests? Can I go home?

I know I’ll sit in this damn waiting room, for hours, bleeding. I know I’ll be alone, knitting a sock, crying a little bit, occasionally. And you can’t change that, and I don’t want you to try. I know what I’m facing, I’ve been here before. What I need is simple. . .

Just sit with me, this place is lonely and frightening. Just sit and be human with me.

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60 Responses to Sit and be Human

  1. TracyOC says:

    Sitting with you from afar. Hope you get some answers.

    T

  2. areyoukiddingme says:

    I'm sorry, Mrs. Spit.

    Sitting with you…

  3. Kristin says:

    Oh hon, I wish I could really sit with you. Long distance just doesn't seem enough.

  4. babyattheend says:

    I'm sitting with you from afar, too.

  5. loribeth says:

    Sitting with you in spirit, if not in reality. I'm sorry. 🙁

    I get a lot of that "other kind" of pity too. :p

  6. Tash says:

    Wish I could sit with you. I know that look all too well. I get it from my relatives frequently.

  7. VA Blondie says:

    I am sitting with you in spirit, as well. So sorry Mrs. Spit.

  8. JamieD says:

    I will sit here with you as long as you'll have me. I just wish is were close enough to hold your hand and offer a hug.

  9. excavator says:

    How are you, Mrs. Spit? Please let me know. Has the bleeding stopped? I'm worried and I wish I was there to sit with you.

    I wish you didn't have to be there.

  10. Bluebird says:

    Sitting with you Mrs. Spit. And wishing desperately I'd been able to actually be there with you. To try to help keep you from being lonely and frightened. I'm so very, very sorry. I want so much for you- and none of this is it at all.

    Please let us know you're okay – physically, at least. Let us know the bleeding's stopped. And Mr. Mr. Spit, is he there? Sorry to pry, but you've been on my heart so much. . .

    ((Hugs))

  11. JuliaS says:

    The other kind of pity always made me feel like they thought me a contagion – like they were trying to emotionally quarantine me.

    I'm sorry you were alone. The internet kind of sucks sometime that way – you feel so close to people, but yet, when you want to actually be there the most, you are limited to only words and they are just never enough sometimes. I would have gone with you, held your hand and just sat with you. Times like this words are often useless, but they are all I got.

    Wishing you better days and hope.

    {{hugs}}

  12. Martha says:

    Abiding with you, I am so sorry. Here for you and O.

  13. Debby says:

    Mrs. Spit, I have never wanted to crawl through a computer so badly as I do this very minute. I wish that I could sit and be human with you. I wish it very much. I can tell you that I would not have many words to say, but I would sit there with you and we would both be human.

  14. G$ says:

    I despise that look and wish no one every received it. Or gave it really.

    I am sitting here with you, quietly.

  15. E. Phantzi says:

    I'll sit and knit with you any day.
    I'm so sorry that you're having another loss. So sorry.

  16. Julia says:

    Frankly, the other kind, when it comes from medical workers, plain pisses me off. Did they think it was all going to be sunshine and bunnies? They were never going to see bad things happen? It seems an incredible kind of cowardice to me– to cut off people in greatest need of someone to just be there. How low…

    I am sorry, Mrs. Spit. I, too, wish I could sit with you. (Although given that my house is flu central these days, you probly don't want me just now…)

  17. Sweet Camden Lass says:

    {{hug}} I can't think of anything more to say. I feel all sad. ~x~

  18. Donna says:

    I'm so sorry you had to go alone.

  19. Aunt Becky says:

    DAMN. I wish I were closer and could hold your hand and tell you bad jokes. I'm sorry, Mrs. Spit.

    Sitting with you from afar.

  20. Seraphim says:

    Abiding with you.
    You are not alone.
    xxxx

  21. Cheryl says:

    I am so sorry, C, to hear that you and O have suffered yet another devastating loss. My heart goes out to you. If you need some extra hugs today, we have a meeting tonight. Very small lately, just Shauna and I the last few. We're here for you, if you need us. Or you just want to sit. Call me if you'd like to chat, come out to visit or to just sit … C

  22. Brown Owl says:

    You are always in my heart. Sorry that you were there and so alone.

  23. ScientistMother says:

    I can not imagine what you are going through. I can however keep you in my thoughts. I am sitting there holding your hand.

  24. angie says:

    Abiding with you. XO

  25. Virginia says:

    Sitting, and abiding, from afar.

  26. ..... Carmen says:

    I'd sit with you, for as long as you need. This post has brought me near the brink of tears. I wish there was something that could be done – to make it easier, to take away the pain, to make it stop. I'm praying for you and lifting you up into His arms.

  27. Sam says:

    I am so very sorry to hear this – I would come and sit by your side if I could – just sitting and being with no words can be all we need at times like this.

    wiht love xx

  28. c. says:

    Big hugs to you, Mrs. Spit. I'm sorry.

  29. Sarita says:

    I'm so sorry. I'm sure that Jesus was sitting with you, and still is, even if you couldn't/can't see him.

  30. Sue says:

    Oh, Mrs. Spit. Sitting with you. Holding your hand. Sharing tissues. Keeping the nurses and doctors in line to make sure you get what you need. Or, at the very least, some TLC.

    Oh, Mrs. Spit. I know that look. I know that feeling. Please, someone, just take care of me and don't make me feel even more like a freak than I already do. Don't make me explain, again.

    I will sit with you, in the corner, and cry with you.

  31. Jacquie says:

    Oh Mrs Spit. If I had known I would have come and sat with you, in a heartbeat!!

    ((hugs))

  32. M says:

    knowing that i'm human because i can feel my heart breaking for you. i hate how lonely and isolating grief of this magnitude is. like everyone else, i'm also abiding, sitting with you from a far.

  33. Lea says:

    So incredibly unfair…. wish we were all there for you.

    Love and strength to you.

  34. Mommy (You can call me OM) says:

    The waiting room here seems to be getting full, so I'll take a seat on the floor.

    Peace.

  35. MC says:

    I'm so sorry.

  36. AKD says:

    Thinking of you. I am so sorry.

  37. luna says:

    Abiding with you, Mrs. Spit. Sitting in my own little corner and sharing your tears, wondering what is wrong with the universe.

  38. B and B's Mom says:

    Sitting with you…

  39. Reese says:

    Sitting and feeling…..I am so sorry, sweet girl.

    Love, Reese

  40. m says:

    Shit, Mrs. Spit. I curse that waiting room. And I hate that you are sitting (physically) alone. Please know I am here, just as you were for me.

    When you are ready, when you are able, please let us know how you are.

  41. Heidi says:

    I wish that Canada wasn't so damn far. I'll always be sitting right next to you, holding your hand.

    All of my love is there with you, holding you tight.

  42. Busted says:

    I'm just now catching up with you after falling behind on blogs. I'm so terribly sorry to find this news, my heart and tears go out to you and I, too, am sitting with you.

  43. meinsideout says:

    I am so sorry. Just so damed angry for you and just really wishing and sending you all of the good energy that I have.

    ((HUGS))

  44. Meghan says:

    I'll be there to hold your hand if needed and anything else.

  45. blueeyedtawni says:

    sends hugs and virtual hands to help hold you …@;—-

  46. CDE says:

    Sue already said it, but I am so, so sorry. We're not there physically, but we're with you.

  47. Natalie says:

    I'm sorry she couldn't extend even a little piece of herself to you. I hate that blank pity, that drawing-back and away.

    I'm so sorry you had to sit there alone.

  48. Good Timing says:

    Abiding with you from across the vast city.

  49. jess says:

    So sorry you have to endure this, too. Sitting with you in spirit.

  50. jess says:

    So sorry you have to endure this, too. Sitting with you in spirit.

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