Because life is not like this, and I do not live in a romantic movie, my hair was short, frizzy, out of control, and I had acne. My maternity jeans kept falling down, and I was at that really awful stage, where it not entirely clear if you are pregnant, or merely fat. At any rate, my breasts were huge, so I suppose I had that going for me.
About 2 years ago, I ran into an old flame at a guest lecture. And I, torn between 2 worlds, chose memory, abandoning manners. I saw him and he didn’t see me, so I went running after him, and I caught up with him outside the door.
“Mike. Micheal!” I called. And he turned, and if this were a romantic movie of any sort, I would have been silhouetted by the building light. My hair would have been long, curly, and flowing. I would probably have been dressed in white, and I would have been either tall, slender, or beautifully pregnant.
But, I followed him out, and he offered me a cigarette, and that took care of announcing my pregnancy, and by his change in tone, he remembered I married, and was married still. Anyway, he asked what I was doing.
And I’m left a bit short. I had big plans you see. I was going to do big things. I was going to change the world. I was going to make a difference, armed with the Nichomachean Ethics and A Theory of Justice. And this must have been a believable thing, because Mike believed it, and could not understand what I was doing now.
I live, well, let’s face it, I live a boring life. It’s not meaningless, but it is boring. There are no late night conversations on duty and justice. We don’t talk about epistemology much around my house, and certainly we don’t talk about mind-body dualism. I haven’t sat in the Sugar Bowl in forever, and even if I could be there, I have forgotten much of Descartes’ arguments. Philosophy, political thought, seems rarely to intrude on the business of living life.
I sit on a board trying to end prostitution. I champion community journalism. I teach people to grow tomatoes from seed. I make saskatoon jam with friends, in a community league kitchen. I make meals for people who need them. I knit. I weed. I go to work and come home again. I write a blog that mostly talks about every day stuff. I’m a wife, a mother, a volunteer. I’m a friend. I’m really not much of anything.
And on days like today, when my hair is out of control, and I’m just out of sorts, I wonder how my life became this. And then I realize, nothing is forever. That was then, and this is now. So, I live in the now, and talk about a priori evil on the way to get a cup of coffee. And what I’m up to these days, mostly?
Mostly, I’m reading Sense and Sensibility, trying to remember how to make a really good risotto and looking to find a set of flannel sheets that won’t pill.