The problem with writing a blog is that you are always looking for material. You would think it’s an easy thing to gin up 750 words 7 days a week (well, 6 since I just post a quote on Saturdays), but it’s actually stinking hard. I’ve learned to be a bit calmer, knowing I always find something to write about. When I have a day that my writing mind is working over-time, I might write 4 or 5 posts and save them. And if you are at all an ethical and careful writer, you recognize that some things you shouldn’t write about. This is the difference, to my mind at least, between me and a professional blogger or even a journalist. I write to please myself, and it is the amazing and astonishing thing that so many of you like what I write.
I struggled yesterday: erring on the side of caution and not writing about Gavin, or allowing all of you to know, and send care and support. Glo was a blogger, and perhaps she’ll return. I wanted the wider baby loss community – mums and supporters – to be able to send love and care and concern. In the way that baby death is so hidden, I wanted to mark Gavin, I wanted you to know about him. I saw his photo’s Monday night, and he was perfectly beautiful. He was here and gone and we should care about that.
Sometimes I chose to not write about something. Some things are boring (my sink upstairs keeps plugging. Telling you that didn’t really make any difference in your life, did it?). Some things are too hard to explain – If I have to write a 750 word post on the back story, it’s not worth it.
Sometimes the story isn’t mine. I may be involved in it, a little bit, but there are others as well, and they need to tell their own story. I don’t often write about Mr. Spit because of that. Some of our stories I don’t mind sharing, and some are simply private. I’m conscious that blogging is a very open forum, and I need to be aware. I realize that the notion of privacy is a rare one out here on the internet, but there you have it.
Sometimes I don’t want to write about something that could identify where I work. I like to leave that part of my life seperate. Honestly, even with the new job, what I do for a living is really not that interesting. I also work for an employer that is image conscious, and the less said the better. Also, other than Mr. T and Brown Owl and a few others, most of the people I work with aren’t my kinds of people.
Sometimes I chose not to give into random feelings – knowing that I may be angry for a bit, but eventually I will calm down, and those thoughts won’t represent my sane, rational self. I have, thus far, managed to only publish one piece that I have regretted. It helps that I don’t often write when I’m angry. Writing everything the night before helps, I can stop a post before it auto-publishes.
Sometimes I want to say something, and I know it will directly insult someone. I was at a party last spring and I desperately wanted to write a parody of one of the guests, but the host reads my blog occasionally, and well, it seems rude to make fun of a party guest, no matter how much fun I could have had with it. For what it’s worth, I don’t think that’s a bad thing. The worst of the internet is its anonymity, and a check that makes me pause and think about the real people I’m writing about is only a good thing.
Sometimes, by the time I get around to collecting my thoughts, turning them into coherent stuff, the issue has passed by. Ok, honestly this happens a fair bit. Sometimes I can recycle the post into something else, and sometimes, like the post I wrote on the Christian love affair with the Gosselin’s, the era has passed by. I’ve missed the boat (Or, I suppose the marriage, but whatever).
I don’t write about sex. It’s not that I have a problem – no actually that’s not true. I have no interest in reading about your sex life. I can’t even fathom talking about my own – other than to say, it’s called sex, not baby dancing. If you can’t figure out how to say the words sexual intercourse, I’m not completely sure how to help you.
And I can’t fathom how any of you could be interested in the ins and outs of my infertility. I’m sure my labs, inner bits and functions are dead boring to you. Frankly, they are often dead boring to me. I don’t mind talking about the results, but frankly, I’ll say it, Mr. T reads this blog, and I have to see him face to face every morning, and I have to tell you, that provides one heck of a good internal censor.
I still haven’t said what I meant to at the very beginning. Mr. Spit and I are in the midst of a tough situation, and we have a tough meeting next Monday. Oh, it’s nothing to do with our marriage, and “we” are still ok, but things are hard right now.
We are fairly open about our challenges, but we aren’t particularly used to asking for help. We don’t tend to ask others what they think, and we almost never ask for help or advice about big stuff. It’s a thing with us, and it’s not such a bad thing, just who we are. Often we’ll talk about it a bit with each other, sometimes with family and that’s about it. Maybe a close friend.
So, I know that I’m writing about nonsense a lot these days. I’m sorry about that. This blog will return to your regularly scheduled deep thoughts sooner or later.
Ever consider writing fiction? Fiction can be freeing in that you can write about say ‘the party’ but change some things, like names and details. It’s tricky not to use such great material!
Whatever the challenge, when you need a team of people to cheer you on, we are here for you.
No matter how good a marriage is, no matter how good life is, no matter how good you are, still there are tough times. I’m sorry that you’re in the midst of one, but Mrs. Spit? This too will pass.
Amazingly, there are an enormous amount of things that I don’t blog either. Mostly because I try to stick to telling my own story, but partially because I don’t want to embarrass myself or others.
It’s about ethics. Conscience. Freedom. Rights. Responsibility.
Weighing words, alternatives, approaches.
Caring, concerned. Brilliant. Supportive. Challenging. Challenged.
Writing, as life, is a balancing act. Getting the words right, making good decisions with no good choices.
Paula has it right. You have a talent that could well use fiction as medium for full expression of thought. Think about it.
And, Monday too will pass. Tough meetings, tough decisions, are faced one at a time. Have courage. You and Mr. Spit will find the otherside. I will be thinking of you.
I hate the phrase baby dancing too. I should add it to my pet peeve list LOL
I’ll be thinking of you and the Mr.
Lots that I don’t blog about either, for the reasons you’ve listed & others. And I often find that by the time I get my thoughts organized on a particular topic, the moment has passed too. Oh well.
Wishing you a good outcome on Monday.
Yeah, what you said. Also, what Loribeth said.
Blog has been updated….will give it another try.
http://brennansmom.blogspot.com/
Sending prayers for strength (and good “help”) for whatever challenge has come your way.
To me there’s nothing amazing and astonishing about people liking what you write. You’re just really, really good at it.
I’ll be thinking about you and Mr. Spit on Monday and hoping for the best outcome.
I think you do a remarkable job with your daily posts. You are even articulate when writing about how you have nothing to write about!
I have looooong dry spells then will come up with 2-3 ideas in the same day. I’ve thought about making a goal of writing a post everyday, but I don’t think people would want to read about the mundane goings on in my daily life six days a week. Blogging is tough!
I’ll be thinking about you and Mr. Spit – Monday and every day. Hugs and wishes of peace to you both.
Paula’s idea of fiction could work. Like the potential party piece…you could have written a parody, changed names and identifying details, called it a fiction story, and saved it for a later date.
Hope the tough meeting isn’t as tough as you are anticipating.
Sending you love and light and prayers.
Okay. I had a mouse die inside the wall. Tim had to hack out a piece of drywall to remove his desicated and smelly little corpse. It was not a good day. Is that one of those topics which should not be blogged? Just curious.
I am so with you on maintaining privacy for work and life. I have a great post on teaching my Hindu threader to compost, but don’t want to offend anyone.
Big ((Hugs)) and straight on empathy and support coming your way for the tough Monday and hoping for the best possible outcome. Always here to listen, whatever you got brewing.
I wish I could say something useful. BUT I will say we blog for similar reasons and in similar ways. And if my speculative mind is right about Monday, well, then, lots of love xxxx
Mrs Spit,
I doubt that there is anything that you could write that I would not read, even your grocery list. I hope that meeting on Monday goes well and I also second the recommendation for a fiction section in your blog, you know, in your spare time!
The tough parts of a marriages journey are always hard to go throught. I’m sending love and good vibes to help carry you through, because we all need to be supported. I hope you and mr. spit come out the other side of this an even stronger team. .
Thinking of you two tomorrow. Always wishing you wonderful things.
I’m just glad you’re talking.. whatever it is about.
And I do wish some of your discretion would rub off on me. My braing-mouth(finger?)filter needs cleaning, I think.
Hoping things went as they should at your meeting.. whatever “should” is.
–Trish